Sitting on the train today, I noticed someone blow his nose into his tissue, but then he did something I didn’t really expect. He opened his tissue in full view of everyone else to check out the goober he’d snorted out (no doubt giving himself a score out of 10). He probably has a whole system of texture, runniness, color, etc going every time he honks into a tissue.
Someone at work today bought some liquorice today, and on the bag it says “Eating Liquorice”. Think about this for a second. Eating liquorice, as opposed to what? Cooking liquorice? I asked the girl who’d bought it this, and she just absently shrugged, but then Ms Superior butted in (resident bitch at work) and announces “Maybe there could be erotic liquorice,” (this was obviously met with odd stares). “You know, to whip each other with and stuff.” This just confirmed how much I don’t want to know what Ms Superior and her fiance get up to after hours. Then of course I had to open my mouth and take everything too far. “Erotic liquorice.. hmm.. I guess you could call it confucktionery,” I said. I was met with even stranger stares. But that happens anyway without me telling bad jokes.
My flatmate has this Mario World game on his Game Boy, and it’s driving me nuts. I can’t get past the guy with spikes on his head who headbutts me, I’m not sure how to jump over a particular wall, and I’m still trying to figure out how to plant a bomb underneath this weird guy who keeps throwing rocks at me. (Oh. That last bit about the bomb, that wasn’t in the game. That’s me in real life).
Handy Household Hint #15023: Every morning when you get out of bed, wipe that eye-snot stuff out of your eyes into a jar. Then when you have collected enough, you can roll a fish in the dried up eyesnot you have collected, and voila, you have a crumbed fish. Tasty, efficient, but most importantly, economical. Plus you’re recycling.