Right now I’m working 13 hour shifts at my university – I’m supervising the evening classes’ exams. As you can imagine, sitting there for 3 hours tends to bore you shitless, so while I was sitting there tonight, I wrote down a list of all the little quirks you see the students doing. You know, fiddling with their hair, chewing on their pen; but I’ve also written a guide so you can see what the students really mean by their actions in an exam situation. Thus:
* Exasperated sigh: I’m only doing this so I get the bloody qualification.
* Absently picking ear: Maybe my ear wax holds the answers.
* Shake of head: Let me just re-arrange my brain cells.
* Rolling head around: Well, if the shaking didn’t work, maybe this will.
* Hand on hip: If I act sassily agressive to the exam, maybe I’ll scare it into letting me pass.
* Fiddling with engagement ring: I’m going to kill my fiance when I get home, even though it’s my fault I didn’t study.
* Continuous looking back at the old woman at the rear of the room: You’re old, you probably studied instead of going out and getting drunk all the time. Mime me an answer. Please.
* Continuous and excessive use of Liquid Paper: Maybe if I inhale enough of this stuff I’ll get smarter.
* Holding pen between two fingers and sucking on it: I really need a cigarette right now.
* Holding Liquid Paper pen between two fingers and sucking down on the Liquid Paper: I really, really need a cigarette right now.
* Continuous looking at the token Baywatch Bimbo of the class: Maybe your voluptuous breasts hold the answers.
* Skulling down beer: I didn’t even bother turning up to the exam because I knew I’d fail anyway, so I thought I’d just get pissed with my mates.
* Continuous looking at the token Baywatch Bimbo of the class, and there’s only 10 minutes of the exam left: If only your breasts weren’t so voluptuous, I might have actually answered some questions.
* Wobbling, jittery leg: I can’t think straight, and I’m working on the assumption that seeing if you shake an Etch-A-Sketch hard enough the picture is cleared, then maybe if I shake my thigh up and down hard enough I’ll be able to clear my head.
* You’ve just poured a glass of wine and are attempting to eat the exam with a knife and fork: I’m mad, and I think this exam is really a piece of roast chicken.
* Squirming in seat: I’m so nervous.
* Constant squirming in seat: I’m so nervous, I just shat myself.
* Inanimate objects suddenly levitate and burst into flame: Maybe summoning Satan for the answers to the exam wasn’t such a good idea after all.