From the monthly archives:

June 1999

I Can’t Believe it’s Not a Brain

June 30, 1999

I supervised another exam today at my work, only a small class though. A class of 5 very yum guys. I got to sit there and watch them for 2 hours PLUS get paid for it!
I was looking in a software shop near my work today as well, and there’s a guy in there who [...]

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Thorry, My Toung’th Numb

June 29, 1999

God, trams annoy me. Did you know that 90% of all deaths in the city of Melbourne are due to pedestrian side swipes by trams? Um, well, they’re not. But they may as well be.
If you don’t live in Melbourne and have never experienced the delightful experience that is tram-dodging, well, you really don’t know [...]

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Knock, Knock Knockin’ on an Armaguard Truck Door

June 28, 1999

Every major city has a ‘gay’ suburb. In Melbourne, it’s Prahran. I had to go to Prahran with someone else from my work today, and she also happens to be gay. There’s a great game you can play called in Prahran called “They’re Gay”. Basically, all you do, is sit in Greville Street in Prahran, [...]

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Do You Mind if I Just Unzip my Pants and Widdle All Over Your Car?

June 25, 1999

Today I had a weird premonition spooky thing. I was talking to this guy on the train home tonight, and he needed a lift to his mate’s place. He seemed like a cool enough guy so I said, why not. He offered me one of the stubbies he was drinking, and I almost had it, [...]

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Whoop-Whoop Corduroy Pants Syndrome

June 15, 1999

At my work, a uni, it’s once again time for exams. I supervise a couple of them, and let me tell you, sitting there for 3 hours doing nothing has an excitement level comparable to the level of ecstacy you reach when Big Kev introduces his latest line of hygeine products on Good Morning Australia.
If [...]

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It’s a Worry When You Know that E9 on the Food Machine is the Little Bag of Jelly Beans

June 9, 1999

How to define your personality simply by using a food machine:
1. If you take the money out of the machine before the food, you are money hungry.
2. If you take the food out of the machine before the money, you’re just hungry.
3. If you take the lungs, pancreas, and [...]

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All Cruisers to the Non-Fiction Section – Now!

June 8, 1999

Has anyone else noticed how Eddie McGuire has suddenly become the Totally Ruthless Undisputed Master Of The World?
Time for a special anti-authoritarian entry. At the uni I work in, every day I relieve the librarian for about 20 minutes while she goes and gets her cup of coffee like the typically mousy librarian she is. [...]

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Technicolour Yawn, Indeed

June 5, 1999

Foolproof Ways to Make Yourself Look Like A Dickhead #5812:
Get drunk at a friend’s place, then spew all over their carpet, but catch most of it in your hands. As demonstrated by me at around 10.00pm last night. (Actually, that’s got to be the first time I’ve spewed and it didn’t look like it had [...]

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Hairless Rabbits

June 2, 1999

I have now come to the conclusion that all of the employees at my local service station earn commission every time they finish a sentence with a gravelly, drawn out “Maaaaaate”. (ie, every single sentence).
Although Ms Superiority, resident bitch at work, can be cruel and heartless, I do like her sometimes. She shares my despisement [...]

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