Today I had a weird premonition spooky thing. I was talking to this guy on the train home tonight, and he needed a lift to his mate’s place. He seemed like a cool enough guy so I said, why not. He offered me one of the stubbies he was drinking, and I almost had it, but a little voice in my head said “Don’t – you’ll get pulled over by the cops.” And guess what happened halfway to my place? I got pulled over by the cops. The copper was pretty good though. I was speeding at 118km per hour in a 100km per hour zone, and the cops have to take away 2km per hour from the radar reading they get, which made it 116km per hour. The fine for going 16km or more over the speed limit is $165 and 3 demerit points, but he was cool and only fined me the speeding fine for speeding up to 15 km speed limit – $105 and 1 demerit point. That was cool.
Until my passenger, funny guy that he was, piped up in his completely drunken state.
Cop: Okay, well you can pay the fine by money order or cheque with the form on the bottom. Ok, watch your speed, I’ll see you.
Drunk guy I collected from the train (leaning over to talk the cop): Heyy.. maaaaaate, av you got them new radar things?
Cop: Well, as opposed to what?
Drunk guy I collected from the train: Fuuuck, I dunno, you know, those laser things they’ve got in them ads.
Cop: Ah, no. They’re the same.
Drunk guy I collected from the train: Fuck me dead, really? Well there ya fucking go.
Me (thinking I’d better leave or I’ll be pushing for the more expensive fine): Ok thanks officer…………. bye………
Drunk guy I collected from the train (shouting out his window at the cop who is now driving off in the other direction): Faaaarking cunt!
(As coincidence would have it, the guy gave me his phone number if I wanted to go and “get some pussy” with him some time, or to “play golf”. Hmm. Actually, while I’m talking about golf, there’s a golfing magazine called Golf Life, which I find amusing, because Golf and Life are not normally two things you associate with each other).
So it’s not all bad, I guess. The worst thing I could’ve done is argue with the cop and tell him I hadn’t been speeding. Actually, no. That’s not the worst thing I could have done. The worst thing I could have done would have been to get out of the car, unzip my fly, and relieve my bladder all over the windscreen of his car.