Right now I’ve got a bit of a sore throat and have to have these penicillin capsules a few times each day. I’m supposed to have one as soon as I wake up, but this morning I was in one of those I-really-haven’t-woken-up-yet type moods. I distinctly remember thinking ‘You’re supposed to shake these before use, aren’t you?’ – and I shook them. Then I realised what a dumb thing I’d really done.
Today at my work (a uni) we’re sending out results. We literally have to fold hundreds and hundreds of results and send them out. I wondered aloud as we folded:
Me: Is there such a thing as a folding machine?
Ms Superiority (resident office bitch): Yes, my fiance has one, he used to be a typesetter.
Me (wondering how a folding machine would work): What does it do?
Ms Superiority: It folds paper, you dickhead. Hahahahahahhah!
Me: *sigh*
This brought us on to conversation about other machines that can do automated tasks. I remember seeing on TV once a vacuum that vacuumed a room all by itself – it was sort of a round thing that just zoomed around, and when it bumped into a wall, it just went the other way. Of course, Ms Superiority had to pipe up and claim she had a machine that went around her house vacuuming all by itself, and that it was called her ‘fiance’. (I feel sorry for that guy, I really do.. they’re making wedding plans and everything…)
Could You Put Your Foot In Any Deeper #589216:
Today at work…
Me (answering ringing phone): Hello, how can I help you?
Suspicious sounding female: Hi. Uh, could I speak to one of the girls there please?
Me: Well, perhaps I could help you. What can I do for you?
Suspicious sounding female: No, I would really prefer to speak to one of the girls on reception thank you.
Me (suspecting sexism): Well look. I’m sure that whatever your problem is I’m sure I could try and assist you.
Suspicious sounding female: Well you see, the thing is, I can’t come in to my exam, I’m having incredible period pains, they are just giving me the worst cramps, and…
Me: OkayI’lljustputyouthroughtooneofthegirlshere.
I also drew the short straw along with another guy at work to go to the post office and deliver all the results. We all loaded up two enormous trolley things full of these results, and then me and the other guy pulled them outside towards the post office, which is only a few doors up from us. As we were leaving the building, Miss Naiveity (a girl at my work whose head is in the clouds, who had also been helping us fold the results all morning and put them into envelopes) walked in, and asked us:
Miss Naiveity: Where are you going with all those hundreds of envelopes?
Me: To a restauraunt, you dickwit.