Conversation with my mum earlier on today:
My mum: Oh, this radio reception is so bad. It keeps going all loud then all quiet.
Me: It could be your hearing. Do you find things go loud then quiet often?
*****
I’m back from my little trip to Queensland. I’ve come to a few decisions during my time up there.
1. I like the Gold Coast.
2. I’m going to save up a few hundred dollars and move up to the Gold Coast to live with a friend.
3. When I drink orange juice, it still gives me ulcers.
So that’s the grand life plafn. Out of Victoria, into Queensland. My parents aren’t too keen on the idea, in fact they’re refusing to let me leave, but aren’t I sort of grown up and able to make my own decisions at 20? (Crowd chant: “No, you’re a purile idiot”.) Huh? Who said that? Ssh.
Oh yeah. Seeing as I’m currently jobless and experiencing the orgasmic enducing joy of Centrelink’s Job Network, I have no money to pay for the internet. Therefore I won’t be able to update this journal until I get a job as of this weekend. I’m going to re-design the whole site while I’m off the net to give me something to do.
But time to tell you about my trip to Queensland. I travelled up on a coach, which was, uh, interesting. (Read: cramped). I particularly enjoyed the video they played at the start of the trip. “This coach is equipped with a water fountain. Located above the water fountain are paper cups. To operate the fountain, take a cup and place it underneath the nozzle. (wait for it) Press the button. This will allow the water to flow through the nozzle into your cup. (Oh… just when was starting to think the button was there to release the four horsemen of the Apocalypse from their hideout).
The whole trip there, I was stuck next to a guy who snored like a pig having multiple orgasms, and bloody good ones too.
I swear, these coaches only stop in the chilliest of country towns for meal breaks. Of particular interest was Goulburn, home of the world’s biggest giant concrete marino sheep. Probably the world’s only giant concrete marino sheep. The roadhouses we stopped over at were so expensive, though. It’s as if along the Hume Highway, all stores apply a Hume Highway Obnoxious Tourist Tax.
As we entered Sydney, we were proceeding at a crawl through a traffic jam in Haberfield. What amused me were the signs that appeared roughly every 50 metres, commanding “DO NOT SPEED. POLICE SPEED CAMERAS ARE IN THE AREA.” I felt like grabbing onto my seat for dear life and screaming “OH MY GOD, IF THE DRIVER GOES ANY FASTER HE’LL GET A TICKET..”
Then we arrived at Sydney Central Station. If you’ve never been there, the country terminal area is like a giant plane hangar. This makes any announcements over the P.A. system completely indecipherable, seeing as the roof is so high. Eg: “We would like to announce that ECHO ECHO ECHO ECHO ECHO ECHO ECHO ECHO ECHO ECHO.” It’ll be great when the Olympics are on – foreign tourists stumbling around everywhere looking for platform ECHO so they can catch the ECHO line train to the Olympics.
My tolerance for the word ‘millenium’ ended when I saw the Millenium Convenience Store in Sydney.
Then I travelled up with a friend by car from Newcastle to the Gold Coast. A friend of mine commented that Queenslanders can’t spell beer – they just write XXXX instead.