From the monthly archives:

December 1999

Is That a Cheque, Savings, Credit or Bra Account?

December 30, 1999

I’ve noticed a hazard on our roads. It’s the breed of bike rider who wears a fluorescent vest. This type of bike rider believes that they are a professional rider, and therefore have permission to not use the bicycle lane of the road. That’s right – as they are such a great bike rider, they’re [...]

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The Christian Television Association: Now Producing Korn’s Video Clips

December 29, 1999

I am so exhausted. Yesterday we had the choice of working if we wanted to, for double time and a half. I tell you what, I’ve definitely earned it. That was easily the busiest day I’ve seen at my work. (What made it worse was that for some reason, every time Ms. J recieved a [...]

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Spanish Dancers on Cocaine and Traffic Control

December 24, 1999

This morning, as I stumbled out of the house still half asleep (well, that’s what happens when you stay up late 6 nights in a row – God, I love Nodoze tablets), I noticed I was a bit low on petrol and decided to fill up. I’ve already mentioned here that I dread going to [...]

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Mmm, Fromage-y!

December 23, 1999

Today as I was driving in to work, I drove past a van that at first I thought said ‘Geelong Breweries’. When I looked at it again, I realised it actually said ‘Geelong Rewiring’. Dyslexia, anyone? I found out today that Monowoman, who sits next to me, is a big fan of the band Aqua. [...]

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He Always Has Looked Goddamn Creepy Since He Shaved Off That Beard

December 22, 1999

Things To Not Get Excited About In The New Millenium #851: ‘Sale of the Century’ is changing its name to ‘Sale of the New Century’. Believe it or not. Apparently the whole show is getting an enormous make over (this includes Glen Ridge’s hair, which is approaching Ray Martin status). I still maintain my theory [...]

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I Always Thought Christmas and Beer Went Hand in Hand

December 21, 1999

At work today we had to do a Kris Kringle (you know, that thing how you buy a present for someone but you don’t tell anyone who it is). I left it until the last minute to get a pressie (we’re only supposed to spend $5 to $10), and I figured, why not just buy [...]

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Never Mess With a Jilted Woman who Works at a Video Store

December 20, 1999

Ms. J, who I sit next to at work, has discovered my Game Boy, and now sits glued to the thing all day. It’s a bit suspicious though, because the game she plays the most is Pokemon Pinball, which has a built-in feature which makes the Game Boy vibrate when you hit something in the [...]

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Morgan is a Precious Gift to Us. He’s Also Science-Defying

December 18, 1999

My sister’s high school is about to have a Christmas market. My mum’s helping organise it, and she’s trying to think of things to put in an ad they’re going to put in the paper: My mum: Maybe I should just put on it that we’re having devonshire teas. People like devonshire tea. That’ll make [...]

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Keep Mint in the Bathroom, You Sickos

December 17, 1999

jowl: n. loose hanging skin at the on the throat or neck. (Source: a dictionary with 1266 pages and a navy blue cover) This is my most hated word in the English language. Jowls on an old man are one of my biggest phobias. Jowls on women’s arms follow a close second. Even the word [...]

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What? You Weigh 64 Kilograms? Get Out of the Elevator!

December 16, 1999

I was looking through the front pocket of my backpack today, and it’s one of those backpack compartments where you just seem to accumulate crap. I realised there were 5 different kinds of mints sitting in there – one of which I never even remember buying. I’m sure you’ve heard Tic Tacs being called Barbie [...]

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