Today at work…
Ant: I died my hair blonde because apparently blondes have more fun.
Blonde woman: Oh, but then you cop all that dumb blonde stuff.
Me: Ant’s dumb anyway. He just had to die his hair to face up to his stupidity.
Blondes have more fun? Hmm. If I die my hair black, do I automatically go into fits of depression?
*****
Last night I was talking with a friend on the phone about how Coke vending machines now have phone lines connected to them, so they can ring up the distributor when the supplies are running low. I’m sure the machines would be dialing more people than the distributor, though…
Kindly old lady: Hello, welcome to Lifeline.
Coke vending machine: Umm… I.. h..hello..
Kindly old lady: It’s okay. You can talk to me, you’ve done the right thing by calling us.
Coke vending machine: Sorry… I’m … (sniff)… oh god… can you hang on a minute…. (muffled sound of nose being blown) This terrible thing keeps happening to me…
Kindly old lady: What’s happening?
Coke vending machine: Well, this young man keeps approaching me every afternoon… and… Oh God….. I… I……. I just ca-ca-can’t… (starts sniffling)
Kindly old lady: It’s okay. Take your time.
Coke vending machine: This man… every afternoon he walks up to me… and … oh God…. he puts his hand in my…… (sniff sniff) he puts his hand in my can tray……
Kindly old lady: Oh, dear… you poor thing…
Coke vending machine: And he doesn’t stop there… he puts his hand up my… up my chute and tries to steal my cans…. Oh God, I can’t cope with this…
Kindly old lady: Now don’t you worry, there are special support groups for people who have gone through this…