Oh, shut up already! Won’t that millenium word ever go away?
I spent my New Year’s Eve with Riff and had a good time – the only lowlight being when I kicked his dog by mistake. The dog then decided to fart in my general direction for the rest of the night.
Then there was the letdown that was Y2K. I was seriously hoping for some carnage, but as Riff summed it up:
Riff: I don’t care about Y2K, as long as my toilet flushes.
The usual fireworks went off at midnight, and that was all fine and good. But at 1.45am I noticed another set of fireworks going off. I believe this is the fireworks equivalent of constipation.
So I’m laughing at everyone who stocked up on baked beans, water, petrol etc. Apparently most convenience stores and supermarkets were completely sold out of candles because everyone was so scared of the power going out. Well, seeing as we all have these candles lying around, I’d like to make a proposal: Australia should become a nation of Goths.
Then there was the very horrible incident that happened to me this morning. I was getting some breakfast from McDonalds (if you could call it breakfast), and was on my way back to my car, when I noticed a guy who looked like he belonged on The Crow pulling one of the side mirrors off my car. When he saw me walking over towards him, he ran at me and kicked me in the, uh, balls. Very hard. I don’t know why he did it (must’ve been drunk still), but it bloody hurt. I had to sit down next to a plastic Ronald McDonald for around half an hour before I could even contemplate standing up again. So I’ve been walking quite gingerly ever since, and I’m not too pleased about the whole thing.
50 years in the future:
Grandchildren: So, what were you doing when the new millennium began, grandad?
Me: Some bastard kicked me in the fucking nads.
Hang on. I won’t even be capable of having children anymore, let alone grandchildren.
*****
I’ve got some email from people informing me that yes, there is a male equivalent to Bra Money (see December 30 entry). Apparently it’s Jockstrap Money, mainly used amongst gay guys I’m told. The standard amount of Jockstrap Money is usually $50 and is used, as one person informed me, “when you’re so intoxicated you can no longer recall your gender”.