I rang up my old work, the TAFE college yesterday to catch up with the two Reception Bimbos. They’re both pretty cool. Probably the coolest thing is that they let me call them the Reception Bimbos to their face.
However, when I rang up, neither of the Reception Bimbos answered the phone. It was another of my close friends from my old work that answered the phone, The Gay Guy With One Leg. He’s a great guy. But when he gets annoyed by something, everyone knows about it…
The Gay Guy With One Leg: Hello, (insert name of TAFE college here), how can I help you?
Me: Hi, it’s me.
The Gay Guy With One Leg: Ah, how have you been?
Me: Great. What’s been happening?
The Gay Guy With One Leg: I’ve come up with a new invention.
Me: What’s that?
The Gay Guy With One Leg: It’s a set of indicators so EVERY SINGLE FAT WOMAN WHO WALKS AROUND IN RANDOM DIRECTIONS SHOPPING IN THE CITY AND WHO KEEPS BUMPING INTO ME CAN STICK THEM ON THEIR FAT ARSE SO I KNOW WHICH WAY THEY’RE GOING.
Me: Um. Good idea.
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Has anyone else seen the new Channel 7 logo? As I write this, they haven’t updated their website to include the new logo, but basically it looks like a ribbon folded in half to make the number 7. That’s the old logo on the left. This new logo looks like one of those charity ribbons people wear. Channel 7 have incorporated the five colours from their old logo into the new one – so does anyone know which charity has a red ribbon, which charity has an orange ribbon, which charity has a yellow ribbon, which charity has a green ribbon, or which charity has a blue ribbon? I’m determined to find out which charities Channel 7 is secretly backing.
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There’s a McDonalds being built here in Torquay, and the date of the opening is drawing ever closer and closer. It’s going to be very, very interesting as in Torquay around 50% of the residents are for the McDonalds store and 50% against. There’s been pro and anti McDonalds graffiti and stickers all over town. I’m going to take some photos at the opening of the store, because I’m sure there will be hilarious McProtest Riots of some sort.
Personally? I think it was only a matter of time before a McDonalds opened in Torquay. It’s not like I visit Maccas every day for lunch, but I don’t mind a bit of a Maccas hit now and then. Nowadays if you tell someone you like McDonalds, they give you a look like they’re trying to swallow a turd. I’ve found a fellow underground comrade at work though – I’ll call her Ms McK. She enjoys Maccas more than I do – she has the full set of those stupid Snoopy collectible figurines McDonalds was giving away a while ago. We’re going to witness the opening of the Torquay Maccas together, because.. um… we have no life.
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I’ve noticed a bit of a change in today’s music. Remember how bands used to oh-so-naughtily use the word “freak” in place of “fuck” in their song lyrics? Take a listen to today’s music – nowadays it’s far more commonplace to use the word “funk” in place of “fuck”. What will the next word be? Frock?
35 years in the future:
Trent Reznor makes his big comeback with his family-friendly version of “Closer”, with the anthemic sing-a-long chorus of “I wanna frock you up like an animal”. Hundreds of fans buy special cat- and dog-sized Nine Inch Nails t-shirts for their pets that are made to coincide with the release of the novelty single.
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I had to go to the doctor today, and someone almost backed into my car in the car park. I went to toot my horn and realised that it doesn’t even work. I don’t even think I’ve used my horn for about a year, now I think about it. So what am I supposed to do now? Shriek at the top of my voice whenever someone almost hits me in the vain hope they’ll hear me – or at the very least, hope they mistake it for road rage and keep out of my way?
I also noticed a strange smell coming from my car today. My car always is stuffing up on me. In fact, every time I drive to Melbourne I think something’s wrong with my car, but I’ve determined what the problem is. You see, on the way to Melbourne there’s a delightful little suburb you have to go past on the freeway named Werribee. Near Werribee is a sewage treatment plant, and it’s definitely something you can smell as you drive past. It took me a while to realise it was the sewage I could smell, and not my car.
I remember when I was a kid, we used to drive past Werribee and I’d ask my parents what the bad smell was. They’d explain that it’s ‘where all the poo went’. As a child I’d never visited Werribee, but had this mental image in my head of a town where the streets were totally awash in sewage.