My parents got back from their holiday at Phillip Island. If you’re not familiar with the area, basically it’s a dinky little island that tourists flock to because fairy penguins run up the beach every night. There’s been an oil spill recently at Phillip Island and I was hoping the tourists would all be horrified by squealing, oil-soaked penguins running up the beach, but my parents said the penguins were fine. Unfortunately.
My mum said at the camp site they were at, there was a bit of a battle over their campsite and the group of teenagers next door. Apparently the teenagers had staked their tent and put all their campsite a few metres over my parents’ campsite, so when they went out my dad parked his car on their side of the campsite. To get my parents back, the teenagers started to play their Rammstein CD’s at full volume all day.
The thing is, at home I play Rammstein quite a bit, so my mum is quite familiar with the songs. Even though the lyrics are in German she can do a passable job of singing along. So when the teenagers heard my mum screaming “GOTT WEIB ICH WILL KEIN ENGEL SEIN!!!” along with them, apparently they went very, very quiet for the rest of the time they camped there.
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Our neighbours have chopped down this enormous wattle tree right next to the fence that separates their and my family’s property. I liked the wattle tree because it meant they couldn’t see into our house, but now they can look in and see everything. There’s no privacy now. My mum thinks that the kid next door has asthma, which is why they chopped down the wattle tree. I’m thinking of being a real arsehole and planting wattle trees all along our side of the fence.
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More Geography Gladiators:
I got an email from Steve today:
“To broaden your “Geography Gladiators” idea, how about longest place names?
I think this is one which is hard to beat: Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
It’s all one word and has 58 letters. It’s a place in North Wales (UK) and the name means “St. Mary’s (Church) by the white aspen over the whirlpool, and St. Tysilio’s (Church) by the red cave”.
You should see the size of the fucking road signs to this place.
They’ve got a website too: www.Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.co.uk
I would try saying this to Ms J but I’m not sure I could be bothered practicing pronouncing it. You know, I bet the only thing that town has going for it is the name. It’s probably the UK version of Echuca. (Has anyone bombed Echuca yet? No? Sigh…)
Thanks for emailing that to me, Steve. Oh, by the way – Steve wishes to make it quite clear to everyone that he’s not Welsh, he’s English, because “the Welsh shag sheep”. Of course.
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I didn’t get any bogus voice mail messages for Jack from Sydney today. But speaking of mobile phones, I’m not sure if any of you have seen Optus’s special deal for mobiles after 8pm each night. Basically you can call any other Optus mobile phone for the first 20 minutes for free. I’ve thought of blatantly taking advantage of this deal and ringing random phone numbers, but I can’t think of any weird conversations to have with people. Any ideas, anyone? If anyone comes up with a decent weird conversation idea, I’ll ring a random number and see what happens.
I got the random phone call idea off a girl who once rang me up totally at random. She just rang me up because “she was bored”, and ended up trying to make a date with me after we’d talked for 20 minutes. When she found out I lived in Torquay she was a little put off; when she found out I was gay she hung up.
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I left my sunglasses on my car dashboard yesterday, so they’d been sitting on the sun for all of today. Bear in mind these are metal-rimmed sunnies, so when I put them on:
Me: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhh!
That can really burn. So after I’d recovered from being branded by my sunglasses, I started the ignition and grabbed onto the steering wheel:
Me: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhh!
The steering wheel had heated up even more than the sunglasses.