Today at work we found out the company we work for is opening a new call centre in Tweed Heads, Queensland. We also found out that there were quite a few jobs going there, and if we wanted to transfer there we could, but we had to make our decision by Monday. I came home and told my mum about the new office:
Me: We found out that we have a new office opening in Tweed Heads today.
Mum: Ah, okay.
Me: They’re offering us jobs there if we want them, which is cool.
Mum: Oh my God! You can’t move to Tweed Heads! You have no money! How will you manage! You don’t know anyone there! You’ll never survive! Who will look after you!
Me: Did I say I was taking a job there?
Mum: Are you?
Me: No.
Mum: (deep exhale)
*****
Our work buys various magazines for the lunch room in our office. Due to excessive boredom (I promise it was boredom and not genuine interest), I found myself reading a copy of Woman’s Day. I also found potentially the most ridiculous (yet simultaneously genius) women’s magazine story title yet: ‘Fat Frumpy Fergie Fights Flab Fast’.
I found out today we may not get transferred to a new department until a fortnight’s time – this means I have at least another week of sitting with Ms. J still. This is a good thing. Today I was also talking to Ms. K (who I don’t believe I’ve really talked about much on here) – she’s a bit of a jellybean nazi dictator.
Ms. K has a big jar of jelly beans sitting on her desk. If she’s in a good mood, we’re allowed to have a jelly bean. Although she only lets us have black ones. We’re trying really, really hard to get her in a really generous mood. Today she actually let me have a purple one, which I guess isn’t really too far away from black, but at least I’m working my way up the colour scale.
I totally wasted my purple jellybean today though. I was making fun of this woman who sits near Ms. K (she makes these crappy bookmarks on her computer and gives them to us – we’re supposed to be delighted with them), when the bookmark woman actually approached me from behind. She didn’t hear what I was saying, but when I turned around and saw her looming behind me I got a bit of a shock and swallowed my jellybean whole. Had a bit of a choke, but I was okay – but what a waste of a jellybean (and a purple one at that). I’m thinking of bringing in my own bag of jellybeans and starting a confectionary revolution.
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Today:
Me: I want to buy a pair of braces. I reckon braces are cool. I’d wear them to work all the time.
Ms. J: Only fat people wear braces, you know.
Is this true?
*****
So, Bill Gates stepped down as CEO of Microsoft today. Bill Gates is always saying how when he retires, he’s going to donate 99% of his earnings to charity. Why the hell can’t he donate at least a portion of that amount now? I mean, with an amount of money like that being invested into research you have the potential to cure cancer. I just wish he’d invest it into something like that now rather than later on when he’s an old fart. (Steps down from soapbox)
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Songs I Want To Create Hard Rock Versions Of, #293:
‘Heaven Is A Place On Earth’ by Belinda Carlisle
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Just when you thought the publishing world had thought up every stupid magazine idea possible, along comes news of the impending launch of O: The Oprah Magazine. I really do shudder at the very thought.
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Have you noticed how some business names (usually older ones) have “& Sons” at the end of their name (presumably as their sons work at the business)? I guess it’s kind of an old fashioned thing nowadays, but I was saying to Ms. J that you never see “& Daughter” on a business name. She says there’s a local sewing machine shop called “Mrs. Bronson & Daughter Inc. Sewing Machines” or something.
I was thinking, what if you expanded your business name from “& Son” to be slightly more honest? ‘Wilson & Dysfunctional High School Drop-Out Son, Builders’. Or maybe you could incorporate the name of your business to include your pets – ‘Johnson & Very Angry Vicious Doberman, Car Junkyard’.
*****
Today:
My team leader: This has been such a long four weeks. It’s been going forever.
Me: I agree. Why, it’s been so long, it feels like a month.
My team leader: (quizzical look) Four weeks is a month.
Me: (sigh) I know.
*****
I’ve made an executive decision and decided that from now on, today will now be known as Sizzler Memorial Day. I believe the all-you-can-eat restaurant chain Sizzler still operates in some states of Australia, but the Victorian-owned branch of the company sadly went broke a few years back. I really miss Sizzler. I miss that really cool but strangely mysterious toasty-bread stuff they gave you at the start of every meal. Nobody was really quite sure what was on it, but it was really yummy. I miss the tradition of waiting for 20 minutes in a long line just to get a table, and watching ‘Sizzler TV’ while we waited. I missed the way they threw after-dinner mints at you after you’d been there for 90 minutes as a hint to piss off. So today – lest we forget, the genius of Sizzler. (The Victorian stores, anyway).
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I read on the ABC News website today that burglars favour Friday, Saturday and Monday to rob homes, but they generally stay away on Sundays. I guess they just can’t miss out on all those religious programs in the morning on TV, as well as the repeats of Gladiators on Channel 7 in the morning.