Ah, the Herald Sun is such a quality newspaper. Yesterday it reflected it’s true journalistic integrity with a headline screaming ‘Sex Blitz!’. To give you an idea of what sort of newspaper this is, yesterday they placed a story titled ‘Women reveal what they want in romance’ 15 pages before their coverage on the latest bombing in Ireland.
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Jeb Official Bad Things: I hate it late at night when you stumble into the toilet to discover you’ve got a rogue pubic hair, causing your piss to stream out in two absolutely random directions. Ummm, where was I…
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In a shopping centre in Geelong there’s a chemist directly opposite a jewellery store, and both of these stores have positioned ring polishing booths outside their stores. Nobody seems to bother getting their ring polished so all the ring polishing guys seem to do is sit there and glare at each other all day. Soon one of them will jump out of his booth and attack the other guy with a key-cutting mechanism or something.
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Yesterday:
Ms. J: Here you go – I bought a notepad for you while I was at the supermarket.
Me: Why, thankyou.
Ms. J: So is it OK if I don’t pay you back the dollar I owe you?
Me: Sure, that’s fine. I’ve got a notepad now.
Ms. J: Good. Because that notepad cost me 5 cents at the supermarket.
Me: Oh.
Ms. J: I bought myself five of them.
Me: I demand 19 more notepads. Now.
Also yesterday:
Ms. J: In the hot weather the other day, I was babysitting my niece, she’s only three years old. I was pouring a watering can of water over her head, she was loving it, you should have heard her laughing.
Me: Cute, eh?
Ms. J: Very. That’d feel so weird, having someone just pour water over you like that.
Me: You should take a shower some time and find out what it feels like.