Well, today at work we all got shuffled around into different departments and we all have to move to different cubicles. The good news is, I’m still sitting next to Ms. J, and the even better news is that on my other side is a woman I’m going to call ‘The Rock’. The Rock is a bit of a wrestling fan, so she and I will be able to sit there and crap on all day with wrestler’s catchphrases. It’s always, um, interesting having someone creep up behind you, grab your head, force it to your desk and scream “Can you SMELL what the ROCK is COOKING?” (Her fave wrestler is The Rock).
One of the girls who sits across from me is being moved to what’s becoming known as the Cursed Cubicle. The first person who got placed in the Cursed Cubicle was fired after 3 weeks, the woman who moved into it after her was fired after 3 weeks as well. We calculated that she’ll be out of here on Valentine’s Day, precisely.
Ant’s peroxided his hair this week. There’s another guy at work who’s peroxided his hair as well, so I reckon they could form a Bros tribute band. (Peroxided hair on Ant just looks creepy – he resembles an albino nowadays)
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Today Monowoman was reading a copy of Women’s Health and thinking out loud…
Monowoman: Geez, she called her child Bobo. (ten second pause) No wonder she got toxic shock syndrome.
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Today:
Girl moving to the Cursed Cubicle: Geez, the time’s moving slow today.
Guy who sits opposite me: Why, what time is it?
Girl moving to the Cursed Cubicle: It’s 2.45.
Guy who sits opposite me: Man, it is going slow. It was 2.30 an hour ago.
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Today at work someone found a screw lying on the ground, so there was great opportunity for lots of screw jokes, eg ‘Would you like a screw? Bwahahah’ etc. There’s a 65 year old grandma who sits near us, and they just put the screw on her desk when they’d finished making jokes, only for her to comment off-hand:
65 Year Old Innocent Looking Grandma: Oh, look, it’s a screw. I haven’t had one of those in a long time.
Not the kind of thing you expect someone of that age to come out with.
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A while ago I was wondering out loud on here if only fat people wear braces. (I still reckon wearing braces would be cool). Cam emailed me his opinion…
Yes. Fat people wear braces . . . And slimy young Stock Exchange parasites, sexually frustrated Jehovah’s Witness guys and Germans. Judging by your journal, you ain’t gonna fit in any of those pigeonholes, so go forth and blaze a trail.
Woohoo, I have explicit permission now. I also got an email from Ryan this week…
Well I was just reading one of your previous journal entries (March or April 99) and was just reading your paragraph about the kids gameshows and stuff. Well I happened to be watching one, one day (can’t remember what it’s called) and when the host introduced them they usually talk about their interests and stuff right? Well this episode this guy was interested in crazy crabs… but we didn’t know that until after the host said:
Host (to the kid): You’ve got crabs!
Now it’s time for a very, very special moment. I’m not sure if any of you remember the entertainment opus that was Larry Emdur’s gameshow ‘The Main Event’ (this is pre-The Price Is Right era). I’ve picked on this show now and then throughout the course of my journal, but Spencer emailed me to tell me that his family were actually on the show once. Basically, if you don’t remember, the show pitted two families against each other competing in a series of questions, but the novelty was that the two families were playing from their living rooms. Anyway, I’ll let Spencer tell his story…
I’m Spencer. This is my story. I was, with my mother, father, and brother, a contestant on The Main Event, in 1992. We were on the special Easter episode, and they gave us a whole bunch of free chocolates. The other family, the Boyle’s in Melbourne, had the their chocolates delivered by someone wearing a bunny costume. We however, in Adelaide, were handed them by the floor manager with headphones on, trying desperately to keep out of shot (and failing). He also dropped them on our buzzer, causing much hilarity at the time. We, in the end, won the car, the unimaginably small Subaru Fiori, which I now drive most of the time. Um, that’s about it. I was just amused to see some mention of that long-forgotten game show.
My other claims to fame: Last week I was over-taken in traffic by H.G. Nelson.
My smaller claim to fame: Erstwhile ‘Who Dares Wins’ referee Mike Whitney once pushed past me in a supermarket and said ‘scuze me, mate’.
(wipes tear from eye) What a beautiful story.
I promise that I’ll try to get rid of the geography related jokes soon. (Actually, I think theVictorian Board of Education would pay me quite a substantial amount of money for getting humour out of something as droll as geography). Infernos emailed me a list of stupid town names in Australia to follow up Steve from the UK’s list of stupid town names in the UK…
Stupid Australian Town Names
* Come By Chance, NSW, 2832
* Canadian, VIC, 3350
* Brown Hill, VIC, 3350
* Eagle On The Hill, SA, 5150
* Eggs and Bacon Bay, TAS, 7112
* Egg Lagoon, TAS, 7256
* Gore, QLD, 4352
* Happy Valley, SA, 5159
* Hat Head (I’m not kidding), NSW, 2440
* Jimboomba, QLD, 4280
* Long Pocket, QLD, 4068
* Melrose, SA 5483 and TAS 7310
* Fairy Hill, NSW 2470
* Fairy Meadow, NSW 2519
* Paradise SA 5075 and TAS 7306
* Putty, NSW, 2330
* Spit Junction, NSW, 2088
* Streaky Bay, SA, 5680
* The Spit, NSW 2067 and QLD 4127
* Tin Can Bay, QLD, 4580
* Wombat, NSW, 2731