Yep, I’m back from Sydney. (Did you know on airplanes, when the oxygen masks drop down, that there’s a little oxygen mask that drops down in the toilet too? How cute is that? See, I do pay attention to the air stewards when they tell you all the safety procedures at the start of the flight).
When I flew up to Sydney, I was sitting at the very front of economy class. I thought it was funny how they arrogantly draw a curtain in between the economy and business class. There’s a sign next to the curtain warning ‘No entry to business class! (Unless in an emergency)’ How generous of them. I bet business class gets the parachutes first though.
I guess it’s about time I introduced Adam to everyone. I’ve mentioned him here and there recently, but I’ve known him since December. Basically, Adam is the coolest guy I’ve met in a long, long time. He’s my main man, and he’s the best thing to happen to me in recent years. He lives in Sydney so it’s going to be a bit of a challenge going up to Sydney all the time to visit him, but I love him so much, it doesn’t even matter. I’ll end up moving to Sydney as soon as I have the money together (hopefully I’ll have enough when my current job contract ends in May).
So yeah. That’s Adam. If you hear me crapping on about him about here, then you’ll know who he is.
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I’m not sure how many non-Victorians have heard about the power restrictions currently being imposed on Victoria. Basically, there’s been a bit of an industrial dispute at Yallourn Energy (yes! send them nasty email), which is one of the three main suppliers of electricity to Victoria. Well, their workers have had a bit of a fit and are refusing to work. This means there are drastic shortages of electricity.
The current restrictions mean there’s no air conditioning allowed and from 1pm to 7pm each day you’re not allowed to use non-essential services. When I arrived at Melbourne Airport on Friday evening it was like a sauna, totally unbelievable. After I arrived at Sydney Adam started having a go at me, saying Victoria’s crap because in 1998 we had a major gas shortage and now we’re having electricity shortages. Then he went to wash a glass in his sink and realised that the water wasn’t on. Hah.
Unless I’m carrying some sort of essential-services-killing-virus or something.
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At work, they’ve relaxed the dress code because without air conditioning the building reaches sweltering status. Businesses also have to limit the use of their elevators, so that only half of the normal amount are in operation. (This leads to enormous 5 minute waits to travel 3 floors… and I realised just then that I could have taken the stairs today and saved myself a whole lot of time). Plus you’re not supposed to be using non-essential lighting, so the area where you catch the elevator from our floor at work is almost in pitch blackness. It’s quite eerie, stumbling around in the dark trying to find the button to call the elevator.
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Today me and The Rock challenged Ms. J to run out to her car, drive to the McDonalds drive-thru and buy 3 McFlurries for us, in her 15 minute afternoon tea break. We didn’t think she could make it in 15 minutes but she somehow managed. I have to say, I’d never had a McFlurry before, but mmmm the Oreo one is pretty damn good.
For some reason though. Ms. J didn’t trust us that the McFlurries would be made quickly when she ordered them. She reckoned she bought one and it took ten minutes for the McStaff to make it for her, and that also, how did she know they were making Oreo McFlurries? And what if the electricity crisis limited their McFlurry-making capabilities? So she made me actually ring up the McDonalds to check.
McStaff Member: Hello, McDonalds, how can I help you?
Me: (sigh) Are you making McFlurries?
McStaff Member: …Yes?
Me: Oreo McFlurries and M&M McFlurries?
McStaff Member: Uh, yes.
Me: Okay. It’s just that my friend here is really crap and… never mind.
McStaff Member: Okay. Um, bye.
Me: Bye.
Ms. J: (throws stress ball at my head)
So Ms. J came back with the McFlurries. Then our work decided they’d give everyone a free icy pole because it was so hot, and we wished we hadn’t have bought the McFlurries.
Work sent us home 2 hours early because it was so hot (due to no air conditioning), so I guess the electricity crisis is good for some things.
Speaking of McDonalds… has anyone bought McCookies? There’s one particularly strange looking cookie in there. As far as I can tell, it’s a hamburger with eyes and fins, some sort of strange hamburger-fish thing. Or is it just me?
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Jeb Official Bad Things: People saying ‘Today feels like Friday’ on Tuesday
It’s okay to say that it feels like Friday on Thursday. At least it’s almost the end of the week. And it’s almost acceptable to say it feels like Friday on Monday, because it’s almost attached to the weekend. But on a Tuesday? That’s the worst day of the week, it’s definitely got a weekday feeling to it. It just doesn’t feel like a Friday – and that’s that.
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On Friday at work:
Ms. J: I can smell something around here. Something smells like soy sauce.
Me: It’s your armpits.
Ms. J: (Marge Simpson growly-sigh noise)
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See that there? That’s something that Coca-Cola copyrighted and decided to call ‘The Dynamic Ribbon Device’. What the hell is so dynamic about it? It’s a squiggly line for crying out loud.
So I’ve decided to create my own crap logo. Introducing: The Dynamic Squiggle Device. And it’s mine. Don’t even think of stealing it.
Speaking of stupid logos, have you ever noticed something strange about the Commonwealth Bank logo? Take a close look – a friend of mine pointed out that the two M’s in ‘Commonwealth’ are joined together. I don’t know why, but the logo really irritates me every time I look at it now and notice the two M’s.
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On my way back from the airport on Sunday, wouldn’t you know it – my tyre blew. I had to call the RACV out for help, and they told me to leave my hazard lights on so the RACV man would be able to locate me on the side of the highway. Yet, when the RACV man arrived (90 minutes later, cough cough), he got out of his car and yelled at me:
Grumpy RACV man: Turn your feckin’ hazard lights owff!
Well, he fixed my tyre at least, I suppose.
But the dumb thing is, because I have to shell out for two new tyres (my spare tyre has a slow leak and needs to be replaced), I have no money to buy a ticket to the Filter concert. One of my most favourite bands that I probably won’t even get a chance to see again for years. All because of stupid tyres… grr. Not impressed.
Equally bad is the news I found out today – Ms. J and The Rock are being transferred to a different department at my work, and I’ll either be sitting by myself or get put next to some idiot. I don’t want to be separated from these two chicks – it’s how I get through each day, just stuffing around with them. Ms. J especially I don’t want to get separated from – I’ve always sat next to her ever since I started this job. It’s all very sucky, and they move at the start of next week.
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Today:
Guy who sits near me: Well, I’m a good husband. I clean the toilet.
Ms. J: Well done. I think the husband should always clean the toilet.
Guy who sits near me: Mind you, I do prefer to sneak outside sometimes and just have a whiz on the lemon tree in the backyard. Far quicker process than going to the toilet.
Me: How does your wife feel about that?
Guy who sits near me: Ah, she’s okay with it I think. It doesn’t matter, because I clean the toilet.
Me: Yeah, but who eats the lemons?
Guy who sits near me: I’ve never eaten those lemons, but I imagine they probably end up tasting like Sub-Zero.