Thanks to Lucy for emailing me – a few entries ago I was wondering what the hell those little blue pieces of plastic underneath Coke bottle lids are for. She emailed me to say that they’re to keep the drink from going flat. This actually makes sense – I’m just slow.
In fact, when Torana visited me and Adam the other day, he had just polished off a bottle of Sprite when he pulled out the little blue bit of plastic from underneath the bottle lid and started chewing it.
‘It’s a drink and a snack all in one!’ he proclaimed. Right before it fell out of his mouth on the floor.
I’ve never seen such a look of disappointment on someone’s face. ‘That could have kept me happy for hours,’ he bemoaned as the circular plastic lay dead and limp on the floor. Luckily, I’d recently drunk a bottle of Coke and had a spare bit of blue plastic for him. Torana now thinks much higher of me as a person.
Actually, I’m not much better. I remember when I was a kid and my mum made cupcakes, I used to eat the cupcake, then polish off the little piece of paper it came in as well. Well, it had crumbs on it and stuff!
Anyway, I don’t do anything like that anymore. I’ve learnt. I’m not stupid anymore. (turns around and takes a chomp out of A4 paper) And dnn’t lsstn to annyfng Admm says to mmoou!
Adam and I went to the pub on the weekend with Torana to watch another NRL rugby game. NRL is starting to make sense, but I think my heart will still remain with AFL – proper footy. There’s not really much else for me to do at the pub besides gamble, so I just hang round and watch the footy.
You know, this beer is going to start making me fat soon. I’m actually putting on a little bit of weight, which I am a little worried about. You may be wondering why Mr Stick Figure 1999 is worried about putting on weight.
Well, here’s a little secret. Do you know what my greatest fear is? Being a stick figure man with a pot belly. Imagine it.
It appears I was right when I suspected the new Australian cola ‘LA Ice Cola’ of not being an American drink at all in my last journal entry. Lucy emailed me to say she asked an American, and they’d never heard of the stuff. Adam (not my Adam, a different Adam) emailed me to say he lives in Ohio, and he’s never seen the stuff at all: ‘LA Ice is not American. Spread the word.’I sure will spread the word. Er, for about a week until some new bright and shiny product catches my eye and I try to find something wrong with it.
It was my dad’s birthday yesterday. I’m terrible for remembering birthdays, but luckily my Dad’s birthday lies on a public holiday (Anzac Day) so I always remember. I wish everyone I knew was born on public holidays.
My mum called me today to say that she’d posted me some easter eggs in the mail. I know for a fact chocolate doesn’t survive the postal system. On my last day of school in year 9, I wanted to buy a copy of Hyper magazine, but didn’t have the money. A girl I knew lent me the money, and asked me to post it back to her over the school holidays. I posted it along with a bar of Top Deck chocolate to say thanks, because I know she liked Top Deck. She replied after a week or so, in a rather bemused tone, to say she really enjoyed the melted pile of chocolate and embedded foil that I sent her.
Speaking of Easter Eggs – Peters, the makers of Magnum Icecreams (I think they make Magnums) have broken one of the fundamental rules of chocolate. Their ‘Absolute Chocolate Magnum’ icecream has chocolate that TASTES LIKE EASTER EGG CHOCOLATE! It’s a rule that you only bring out that special easter egg-tasting chocolate at Easter. This special chocolate is reserved exclusively for the use of easter eggs only. But nooo, Magnum went and defied the unwritten law. Before you know it, the easter egg chocolate will be everywhere all days of the year and the magic will be lost.
Channel 10 has taken Jerry Springer off the air. Now there’s no real excitement on weekday afternoons. Actually, the government should work in co-operation with Channel 10 – if Channel 10 took away most of the programs currently featured in their afternoon programming, thousands of dole bludgers would start looking for work.
Wez (idiot who lives downstairs from me and Adam) was moving carpet into his place yesterday. I think he might be carpeting his verandah – he’s already got a sofa out on it (that Adam’s seen stoned people asleep on before). I’d been checking my mail and was walking back into the block of units, and Wez started walking behind me. Then he SPAT at me. I’m sure it was directed at me because I heard it go ‘pat’ on the concrete directly behind me. Grr.
Speaking of neighbours, there’s another guy who lives in these units who always parks his car halfway out of his car space. I’ve got no idea why, there’s plenty of clearance space on either side, it’s not as if he’ll crash his car.
Then there’s the guy who lives next door to the block of units. This guy is rather strange. He has a three-door garage yet he always parks his car outside them. Adam reckons the garage is filled with tools. I say it’s filled with TOOLS TO MAKE AMPHETAMINES. I reckon he’s got a drug lab set up.
Who else can I pick on around me? Hmm. Oh yeah – as I type this, I can look out the window of the room this computer is in and see right into the laundry of the unit opposite me. The woman who lives there never closes her window, and she’s got a box of Spree washing powder balanced delicately on the ledge. Every day, I’m pretty sure the box tips further and further over. The whole box of Spree is going to fall 2 stories very soon.
Four times a year, a nation of billpayers yells out ‘Fuck!’ as they recieve their quarterly Telstra phone bills. I have no idea why people choose to recieve quarterly bills. Adam has a quarterly Telstra bill and won’t change it to monthly. I think he prefers to pretend the bill isn’t really there. Then the bill finally arrives and then the fun begins, haggling with Telstra staff on the phone to get an extension on when you have to pay the bill. It’s an art.
I’ve been playing my Gameboy heaps lately, this stupid Pokemon Pinball game is so addictive. I find Pokemon vile, it’s just the pinball part I like. Honest.
Have you ever noticed when you’re playing a video game, you suddenly get this incredibly itchy itch that’s in a really awkward-to-reach place? You’ve just experienced Video Game Itch. It’s the kind of itch that’s in a place where you think ‘Well, I can quickly take my hand away from the controller, itch it, and it’ll be okay’. Except when you take your hand away from the controller to itch, you immediately start losing the game big-time – some bad guy comes out and totally annihilates you.
There’s been ads on TV today for Kmart – they’ve got 15% off everything in the store today. Now honestly, 15% is nothing at all. My mum’s best friend is the kind of person who will jump straight into the car and roar off to Kmart after seeing an ad like this. It seems there’s some people out there who honestly believe they can make great savings from 15% off – usually the kind of people who think they’ll actually get a free flight out of the Fly Buys scheme.
If you have a partner, then you’ll know all about Secret Wake Up Wars. Sometimes when you sleep together, you’ll wake up and your partner is still fast asleep – but you want them to wake up as well. So you try prodding them secretly, or just nudging them a little – but only enough so that they think they’ve woken up of their own accord. Of course, sometimes the Secret Wake Up Wars can go horribly wrong – especially with my habit of jumping and going ‘Aaargh!’ when people wake me up deliberately.
Adam tells me I’ve been grinding my teeth for the past few nights. Isn’t this a sign of stress or something? Hmm. Actually, the other day I woke up and caught myself grinding my FEET, and I’ve got no idea what that means.
Yesterday me and Adam went for a bit of a walk through the local shopping area, and we walked past one of those bookstores that have coffee shops built into them.
Adam: (points at store) Those places are stupid.
Me: Why?
Adam: What’s the point? You could just go in and buy a coffee, read a book, and not pay for it.
Me: Well, I don’t think you’d read a whole book in one sitting.
Adam: I’d just go in every day and keep reading the same book.
Me: You would – if you read books.
Adam: I do so read books! Just not like what you do.
We then went to Red Rooster for lunch. Have you ever noticed how Red Rooster is always totally empty when you go there to eat? Yet strangely enough, even though it’s the emptiest fast food store – they’re always the slowest to serve you. You’ll be standing there for ages on end before you get your food. Adam has a theory it’s where all the reject teenage fast food workers go to work.
Actually, this particular Red Rooster store, every time I’ve been there I’ve been sick. Well, I’ve only gone there twice, but this time I had the worst headache. The time before that, I had really bad nausea, but this may have been due to Adam giving me a coke & bourbon to drink at 10am.
We got accosted by three small children trying to sell us fundraising chocolate in the shopping area, as well.
Me: You know, I should just write to Cadbury and pretend I’m a charity. Then I could buy cheap chocolate in bulk.
Adam: As if you could get away with that.
Me: No, I could.
Adam: Bull.
Me: Seriously. I’d think up a name, and all.
Adam: Like what?
Me: (thinks) How about… the Society for the Advancement of Chocolate Consumption?
Adam: Hmm, I dunno.
Me: Or SACC for short.
Adam: That’s crap.
Me: No it’s not. I could walk around the streets yelling ‘Buy chocolate! Support my SACC!’
Oh dear. I found out my parents are visiting Sydney on a holiday in around 7 weeks time – this will inevitably mean a visit to where I live. They don’t know that I’m gay and I’m not really ready to tell them yet. This means we have to make the spare room here look like my “bedroom”. We’ll have to buy a spare bed and everything. I really should get paid for this big bloody act. I’ll tell them eventually, but not yet. I’m not quite ready. I’ve only ever really wanted to tell my parents when I’m going out with someone, and I want them to know Adam as my boyfriend, not my flatmate – but not just yet. I think my mum sort of has a feeling I’m gay, anyway. Mums know these things.