From the monthly archives:

June 2000

My Washing Machine Runneth Over

June 28, 2000

I can’t believe I missed McHappy Day. There’s nothing funnier than visiting your local suburban McDonalds on McHappy Day and trying to identify the hordes of “celebrities” that are serving customers. These so-called famous people are usually little more than school principals and local politicians but it’s all a silly laugh nonetheless.
Two years ago I [...]

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The Automovehicle

June 24, 2000

At work on Wednesday:
Mr Marketing: Parappa, just to make sure you know, you’re not allowed to smoke outside this building, okay?
Parappa the Rapper: Well, I don’t smoke anyway, but why is that?
Mr Marketing: Apparently the boss thinks it’s a bad image for our company.
Jen: I heard he fired someone on the spot once when he [...]

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How to Stuff Up a Potential Relationship with a Really Good Looking Woman (Even Though You’re Gay) Over Italian Beef Soup

June 20, 2000

Adam: Hmm, I really feel like some Japanese soup.
Me: Since when did you like Japanese food?
Adam: I had Japanese for lunch the other day.
Me: Ah. So now you like it, eh?
Adam: I have Japanese ancestry, you know.
Me: Oh, that’s a good one.
Adam: I’m serious.
Me: You’re the most unoriental person I know.
Adam: No, I must be [...]

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Battered Turd Syndrome

June 15, 2000

Date: Tue, 13 Jun 2000 10:48:23PM (GMT +10:00)
Subject: The Colonel
To: webmaster@kfc.com
Hi.
In Australia, I notice you sell a burger named ‘The Colonel’s Choice Chicken Fillet Burger’.
How can the Colonel personally choose what chicken he uses when he’s dead? Is there’s something you’re not telling us all?
Er… there WAS only one Colonel, wasn’t there?
Sincerest golden chickeny regards,
Jeb.
*****
I [...]

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Mystery Black Spot

June 10, 2000

KFC – it’s not bad, every now and then. Golden chickeny goodness, with… actually, chicken isn’t naturally golden, is it? Hmm.
KFC are always spouting on about their secret herbs and spices – the colonel’s secret recipe and all that. Well, I reckon our local KFC store has lost the secret recipe because all their chicken [...]

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The Clan of the White Hand

June 4, 2000

Contemporary art: what a load of toss. There was a contemporary art festival here in Sydney for the past few weeks, with the Grand High Priest of Contemporary Nuttiness herself – Yoko Ono – spearheading the whole shebang. I don’t understand contemporary art at all, and I don’t think most people do either. As far [...]

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