From the yearly archives:

2001

A Christmas Story Which I Procrastinated Finishing Until After Christmas

December 30, 2001

Since my parents learnt that Adam was more than a flatmate and I was more than a sad individual leading a futile girl-less life, he’s been embraced wholeheartedly as part of the family. Christmas and birthday presents are now flung enthusiastically his way each year, with increasingly larger and more expensive items being mailed to [...]

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The Transvestite Lesbian Disabled Satanist With No Legs Who Has Sex With Animals on Thursdays and is Bald Dating Show

December 17, 2001

Approximately a month ago, I was lying mute and pickled with bourbon on our couch in the middle of the night, observing a channel-flipping combo of late night talk shows, infomercials and wacky Christian evangelistic ‘miracles’. In the midst of my listless flicking around, a booming ad suddenly blared forth at me.
‘Do you want to [...]

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There’s a Party at Shawn Fanning’s House, and Everyone’s Invited

December 13, 2001

To celebrate the ’success’ of Napster, Shawn Fanning is having a party at his apartment for the (disgruntled, but never turning down free alcohol) music industry.
7.30pm Shawn warns the party attendees that no bots are permitted at his party – if anyone is found running one, they will be permanently banned from his apartment.
7.42pm A [...]

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Rollicking Theme Park Tour o’ Australia

December 13, 2001

Theme parks: they’re all quite similar, and too many of them in Australia feature shitty Australian animal petting zoos to coax over tourists who have flown over from Asian countries to exclusively visit Uluru and anything that involves koalas. If overpriced slurpees and hot-dogs (to please the Americans) accompanied by a slightly nagging sense of [...]

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Hypnotism Sex

December 10, 2001

As I’m now in my first fully-blown relationship – two year anniversary in less than a week, thank you very much – I can easily observe in retrospect that any of my previous attempts at coupling up with another fella were completely laughable. Before I’d met Adam, I’d only really gone out with one other [...]

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Putting Effort Into It

December 3, 2001

Straining against the onslaught of gale-force wind, I squinted up the hill ahead of me. The monstrous building towering over me was obviously my stationing for the day.
My first temp assignment in two months, and I’m duly sent out on the wettest and windiest day in ages. Still, one can’t complain. Cash flow and whatnot.
Licking [...]

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You Goth-a Work Hard to Make a Living

November 20, 2001

Most of my desperate job applications of recent weeks are located in the city or surrounding area. To be honest, this was the main reason Adam and I relocated from the Burning Tyres Shire to Sydney’s inner suburbs: a welcome elimination of daily hour-long smelly, sweaty commuter-crammed public transport experiences.
Yet as the job market – [...]

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Flying Studio Assault

November 14, 2001

Bright yellow sunlight flooded the airport terminal, leading me to curse Qantas’ modernistic architectural leanings. Glass and whiteness is all well and good, but concrete disfigurement is easier on the eyes at 6.30am.
A mixture of beleaguered businessmen and giggly women doubtlessly on their way to the Melbourne Cup wearing hats which could easily double as [...]

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World War Mel

November 2, 2001

We hurtled through the city’s vehicular arteries, skipping between lanes in an erratic rhythm. The taxi driver’s saliva-stained lips and wide, rounded eyes betrayed his hidden sexual joy for the inner-city taxi gauntlet.
We shuddered to a stop that would invoke a cursory nod of technical acknowledgement from most Boeing engineers. I attempted to control my [...]

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I Am the White Boy Mavis Beacon

October 28, 2001

Patiently queuing at a pedestrian crossing with business folk who didn’t look like they’d turn down a healthy dose of leisurely discipline after hours, I absently pulled at my necktie. I’d been hoping that the next job I procured didn’t require me to wear this dirty uniform of corporate whoredom, as I’d been lucky enough [...]

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