From the monthly archives:

April 2001

God Has an Announcement

April 30, 2001

Hello. It is God here. I would like to make an important announcement.
Today I would like to announce the end of the world.
Excuse me. Could you hush a little up the back?
What? You’ve..?
Oh, I’ll answer questions afterwards.
Stop bothering me!
You can ask me any other time you want, you know. I’m omnipotent. Just don’t interrupt me [...]

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Burnin’ Down the House (…as Long as it’s Not My House)

April 26, 2001

During my embarassingly extensive vocationally-challenged period which spanned February and March, I concocted various methods to con myself into thinking I wasn’t being a complete sloth.
Although I didn’t quite convince myself with ideas such as going over to someone else’s house to watch Ricki Lake rather than remaining slouched in my own sofa, my early [...]

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Uncoordination Zones

April 15, 2001

With a new company to work for, an overwhelmingly exciting new commuting route to work is now part of my daily routine. I’m still yet to draw a conclusion as to how I feel about the new train line I catch: although the carriages crawling along this line are packed to the gills, they have [...]

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Your Petty Life-Threatening Personal Anecdotes are Useless Here

April 11, 2001

It’s now the third week of my new job, and I feel like I’m gradually beginning to get to know everyone. At least I’ve figured out if I can make jokes about drugs, knowing that I will receive a laugh in response instead of suspicious, awkward silence.
There’s one girl in particular who’s made me feel [...]

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Mix Tape for a Life-Threatening Emergency

April 7, 2001

Cursed with an industrial strength headache which seemed to last longer than an episode of Cash Bonanza, I cocooned myself in bed as soon as I arrived home yesterday from work; nursing a thumping head.
Having sensed my desire for some piece and quiet, our neighbours presumably quickly plotted revenge for myself and Adam’s endless barrage [...]

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