Archive for April, 2001

God Has an Announcement

April 30, 2001

Hello. It is God here. I would like to make an important announcement. Today I would like to announce the end of the world. Excuse me. Could you hush a little up the back? What? You've..? Oh, I'll answer questions afterwards. Stop bothering me! You can ask me any other time you want, you know. I'm ...

Posted in: Beliefs, Celebrities | Be the first to comment on this entry »

Burnin’ Down the House (…as Long as it’s Not My House)

April 26, 2001

During my embarassingly extensive vocationally-challenged period which spanned February and March, I concocted various methods to con myself into thinking I wasn't being a complete sloth. Although I didn't quite convince myself with ideas such as going over to someone else's house to watch Ricki Lake rather than remaining slouched in ...

Posted in: Fire, Nature, Smells, TV | Be the first to comment on this entry »

Uncoordination Zones

April 15, 2001

With a new company to work for, an overwhelmingly exciting new commuting route to work is now part of my daily routine. I'm still yet to draw a conclusion as to how I feel about the new train line I catch: although the carriages crawling along this line are packed ...

Posted in: Embarrassment, Public Transport, Shoes | Be the first to comment on this entry »

Your Petty Life-Threatening Personal Anecdotes are Useless Here

April 11, 2001

It's now the third week of my new job, and I feel like I'm gradually beginning to get to know everyone. At least I've figured out if I can make jokes about drugs, knowing that I will receive a laugh in response instead of suspicious, awkward silence. There's one girl in ...

Posted in: Cars, Easter, Shops, Work | Be the first to comment on this entry »

Mix Tape for a Life-Threatening Emergency

April 7, 2001

Cursed with an industrial strength headache which seemed to last longer than an episode of Cash Bonanza, I cocooned myself in bed as soon as I arrived home yesterday from work; nursing a thumping head. Having sensed my desire for some piece and quiet, our neighbours presumably quickly plotted revenge for ...

Posted in: Fire, Neighbours | Be the first to comment on this entry »

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