From the monthly archives:

May 2001

Somebody Should Stop the Hamburger Madness

May 28, 2001

“I’m… I’m…” the lady choked when she saw me standing there with my hand full of money and spattered blood stains drenched all over my shirt. “Geez, I’m… I’m…” Ready for another drink, it sounded like. “Don’t worry,” I dismissed. “It wasn’t your fault.” I forced the money onto her and made my escape. Well, [...]

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Self Realization Through Bowling

May 20, 2001

Greg hauled his well-defined body and distressingly well-chiseled jawline into the front seat of the car. We were now at capacity seating. ‘This is my boyfriend, Greg,’ Nadia salivated from the driver’s seat. I attempted to greet Greg, but my voice was rather muffled behind a sheepskin seat cover. Nadia, petite as she was, obviously [...]

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It Looks Like You’re Trying to Write a Song

May 13, 2001
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Choc-o-lethalé

May 13, 2001

Blocking any memory of my call centre jobs from my subconscious is something I’ve learnt is best for my mental health. Unfortunately, like painfully saccharin sweet TV dating game shows, these memories unwantedly bob to the surface and cause severe mental trauma. I’ve always admired the tact of call centre trainers who promise through gritted [...]

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Warning: Cleo Bachelor of the Year 2002 Spoiler Within Body of Text

May 8, 2001

Perhaps it’s a message from God that the world isn’t ready for something that sounds so beautifully cherubic in my head (in a heavy metal way) – my singing. Sure. Go ahead and dismiss it as a straining, clamourous atonal shouting, but I won’t take your opinion to heart. Oh no. I’ll only take your [...]

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I Can Count to Three, I Got Me a Government Job

May 6, 2001

Although I’ve now been employed at my newest job for approximately a month and a half, I only recently attended a company induction session. As I understood it, the basic concept was to hammer the company’s history into us until we could bark departmental mission statements upon command as if quoting from the Bible. However, [...]

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