From the monthly archives:

October 2001

I Am the White Boy Mavis Beacon

October 28, 2001

Patiently queuing at a pedestrian crossing with business folk who didn’t look like they’d turn down a healthy dose of leisurely discipline after hours, I absently pulled at my necktie. I’d been hoping that the next job I procured didn’t require me to wear this dirty uniform of corporate whoredom, as I’d been lucky enough [...]

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Thank You for Thanking Me for My Recent Application

October 24, 2001

Dear Commission-Hungry Representative, Thank you for thanking me for my recent application for the position of Customer Service Pleb, which was recently dressed up as a once in a lifetime opportunity on my jobseeker website of choice. Further thanks for having now sent me your whinging standard response twice. After careful consideration, it is with [...]

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Hamburger Whore

October 21, 2001

Here’s a moral dilemma for you: you’ve adamantly sworn yourself off all consumables which are deep-fried, pre-packaged, chocolate-smothered, icecream-centred, caramelicious, take less than two minutes to prepare, or have been proffered up by a suspicious-looking clown who assures you that his special sauce is nothing to worry about. Then a mysterious, faceless organisation sends you [...]

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Secret Ingredient of Your Meatlovers Pizza

October 17, 2001

My dear old workmate Kazza, she who was always proud to announce to all members of company staff which colour knickers she was wearing on any particular day, dropped in for a fleeting visit last week. Upon entering our living room, she swiftly sunk herself into the couch. ‘I’m pooped,’ she sighed. ‘I was doing [...]

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Our Own War to Wage

October 14, 2001

‘I had a very good idea for a plan today,’ Adam burst into the apartment breathlessly. ‘And it involves you.’ Frowning, I was immediately suspicious. ‘Does this involve me engaging in breakfast temping again?’ I demanded. ‘No, no,’ Adam waved his hand dismissively. ‘I am worried that your plan will negate our long-held plan for [...]

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SALTPEPPER??

October 7, 2001

Unlike more devoted members to most companies I’ve worked at, I draw the line at working through my lunch break. Sure, reheating last night’s casserole in the microwave and grimly soldering on through what’s apparently ‘urgent’ paperwork aided solely by congealed globs of macaroni may be a way of life for some, but it doesn’t [...]

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Group of People May Contain Traces of Nuts

October 4, 2001

One of the employment agencies I’m with has convinced me to partake in an activity of theirs which they like to term ‘breakfast temping’. After expressing my annoyance that they didn’t seem to have even glanced at my resumé – nowhere did I mention an interest in catering or a preference for early morning working [...]

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