(Scene: a train station. I am happily waiting for my train, when a slightly distressed woman turns from her male friend to me).
Woman: Please settle this argument for me.
Me: Sure.
Woman: You know the song from Skippy?
Me: The kangaroo?
Man: Yes.
Woman: I did not ask you.
Man: I’m only t-
Woman: Fuck out.
(I note this interjection for use in further conversation – I’ve fucked off, fucked it, fucked the world; but never fucked out).
Woman: (turning attention to me) The final line of the song, ‘Skippy, a friend ever true.’ Do you really think anyone would have said that to each other back when Skippy was originally on TV?
Me: Er, I wasn’t really aroun-
Man: Of course they did. Why would they use such language if it was nonsensical?
Woman: You fucking idiot. You don’t see me going up to this guy here – (she stabs me painfully in the chest with her fingernail) – what’s your name?
Me: Je-
Woman: You don’t see me going up to this guy here and saying ‘You’re my friend ever true’.
Man: YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW JE!
Me: Um, my name’s actually J-
Woman: (screaming) People just don’t say YOU’RE MY FRIEND EVER TRUE to each other.
Me: Well, in all fairness…
Woman: (spinning on heels) What?
Me: Well, you know. It may well be the lyric of a song, but I don’t go around to people and say ‘Hi! Smack my bitch up’.
Woman: But that’s no equivalent!
Man: Yes it is! People would-
Me: But don’t you remember when The New Adventures Of Skippy was on TV in the early 90′s? They reworked the lyrics to the song.
Man and woman: Oh?
(seeing that this has momentarily ceased their argument, I hastily bullshit)
Me: That’s right. Uh…
Woman: What was it? How’d it go?
Man: (eagerly) Yeah? Tell us.
Me: Umm… (clears throat). Skippy… Skippy, Skippy the bush kangaroo. Er… uhm, Skippy, Skippy…
(I realise I’ll need to insert a modern reference. The first thing I can think of is the lyrical gem…)
Me: Skippy, he’s da roo in da crew.
(Man and woman instantly raise their voices in screaming, howling protest, I hastily shuffle my way to the other end of the train platform).