I bump and grind and oil myself up.
My eyebrow may rise suggestively, but my genitalia does not.
Frantically, I make exaggerated faux-masturbation motions behind an extremely frosted shower door.
I may dry hump someone like two drunken high school students, but still manage to cop a dose of what seems to be incurable impotence.
Oh yes. I am an R rated porno star.