Disembodied phone voice: Thank you for calling E*Trade America’s international customer service hotline! Are you currently an E*Trade customer? Please say… (dramatic pause) Yes or.. (dramatic pause) No.
Jeb: Yes. (dramatic pause)
Disembodied phone voice: I’m sorry. I did not understand that. Please say… (dramatic pause) Yes or.. (dramatic pause) No.
Jeb: YES.
Disembodied phone voice: I’m sorry. I did not understand that. (thoughtful pause) Please say your E*Trade acccount number.
Jeb: (types in account number using phone digits).
Disembodied phone voice: I’m sorry. I did not understand that. Please say your E*Trade Account number.
Jeb: What, I can’t just type them in using my phone?
(empty pause)
Jeb: Apparently not. Sigh. Six. Four. Eight. Six. Nine. Four. One.
Disembodied phone voice: I’m sorry. I did not understand that. Please say your E*Trade Account number.
Jeb: Oh, for fuck’s sake.
Disembodied phone voice: Unfortunately, I did not understand that. Please speak slowly and clearly.
Jeb: SIX. FOUR. FUCKING. EIGHT. MOTHER. SIX. FUCKING. NINE. ARSEWIPING. FOUR. CUNTING. ONE.
Disembodied phone voice: Unfortunately, I did not understand that. Please speak slowly and clearly.
Jeb: (has sudden revelation. In deep American southern accent:) Six. Four. Eight. Six. Nine. Four. One.
Disembodied phone voice: Thank you! Please state the nature of your enquiry, and I will attempt to field your call to the correct department.
Jeb: You’re fucking joking? I have to talk in an American accent just to use your fucking system?
Disembodied phone voice: I’m sorry, I did not understand that. Please state the nature of your enquiry, and I will attempt to field your call to the correct department.
Jeb: (in deep American southern accent): That is fucked, for a supposedly “international” customer service hotline. Bite my sweaty ball bag.
Disembodied phone voice: Did you say “Account Closure”? Please say… (dramatic pause) Yes or.. (dramatic pause) No.