From the yearly archives:

2003

Things Adam hates about Melbourne

July 25, 2003

1. Skim coffee is called skinny coffee.
2. Nunchukas were outlawed in Victoria right before we moved here. Yet another chance to legally own his weapons flittering away into thin air.
3. He has trouble pronouncing local suburb names, but is thankfully arrogant enough to try and convince local Melbournites the way he says it is, in [...]

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My new hobby

March 21, 2003

Wearing a gas mask in my own loungeroom and yelling back at Fox News presenters.

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Constipation

March 21, 2003

Work is a great heaving dry monster of a shit plugged far up my rectum, blocking Adam and I from moving to Melbourne and… doing cool stuff. My mind’s in Melbourne but the body’s still stuck here traipsing off to work at the usual ridiculous hours that a rotating roster likes to pummel me with.
I [...]

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Boobies for Jesus™

March 21, 2003

I’ve always been faintly amused by Christian groups earnestly conducting de-homo-ising workshops. They’re no less bizarre than gay Liberal voters, really.
Which is why a random conversation between a particular Kiwi and I lead to the inception of Boobies for Jesus™. Not entirely unlike the World Vision model of sponsoring a needy child, Boobies for Jesus™ [...]

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Miss Helena didn’t know how right she was when she noted that “bouncing’s so much fun”

March 11, 2003

This weekend I was forced to face some confronting facts about the company I work for. As much as I’d wanted to believe otherwise, they really are just another corporate entity who don’t really give a shit about a lot of things unless they’re a revenue source.
It’s also dawning on me that I should probably [...]

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No buck for you!

March 7, 2003

I realised with some trepidation yesterday that I’ll never have a loud, raucous buck’s night, seeing as I’m never going to get married. Y’know, that’s something I’d really like to do.
Sure, Adam and I could skip, uh, gaily down the twee gay marriage path. The idea doesn’t really get me going, though. I’ve been forced [...]

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MELBOURNE!

March 4, 2003

Yeah! We’re moving back to Melbourne! Rock!
Adam thought of the idea last week, and it actually makes a great deal of sense. He’s left his job and is currently working freelance. I’m going to get laid off within the next couple of months (it’s not entirely clear exactly when, but we’re talking about multinationals, the [...]

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Artistically Abstract

February 27, 2003

One of my bigger fears in life is that my burgeoning, youthful breasts could soon develop self-supporting breasts of their own. As a measure against this possibility, Adam and I joined the local gym a few months ago.
I’d never even stepped into a gym before let alone worked out in one, so I was rather [...]

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“I’m Jerk-ing Off to E-mo-tions” (sung to trill escalation of four octaves)

February 23, 2003

When you’re fifteen and growing up in a surf resort-esque town, it’s uneasy to shake the belief that you’re the sole homo in the world, if not the feeling that you’re the only homo who doesn’t slot politely into a pastel-pink stereotype placeholder. Fortunately, grunge was the big thing at the time, so self-loathing was [...]

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Enid

February 22, 2003

I think I want to be the heavy metal version of Enid from Ghost World.

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