From the monthly archives:

February 2005

Facing Up to It

February 28, 2005

I’ve got an embarrassingly low capacity capacity for facial recall. Usually, this trips me up if I’m at a party and meeting an endless assembly line of new people; but at least I’m probably tanked on beer at the time, so I’ve some tangible excuse.
Then there’s also the situation when you think you can remember [...]

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Let Me Broadcast My Indviduality From a Selection of 30 Ringtones

February 23, 2005

Synthetic ringtone. Office phone ringtone. Ascending ringtone. Salsa ringtone. Soundtrack to Sega Master System puzzle game ringtone.
Yes, you’re stuck on the train, alone in the carriage with someone else undergoing the intense dilemma of selecting a ringtone on their new phone.
The Star Wars theme. The Simpsons theme. The Addams Family theme. The Fuckwit Who Wears [...]

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AussieMan.net: Definitely Not “HOT ENOUGH”

February 21, 2005

From the current issue of DNA, Australia’s gay mag:
Are You Ready for Aussie Man?
…how many times have you rocked up to a hot sex date only to find that your fuck buddy looks nothing like his online picture or has lied about his age? …The next generation of on-line man hunting could change all that. [...]

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Soul Weaver

February 19, 2005

ADAM (practicing combat moves): Stay away! Don’t fuck with me! Or I’ll take your soul!
JEB (distractedly looking up from TV guide): I need my soul.
ADAM: I am a soul weaver! Rarrgh!
JEB: ….don’t you mean soul reaver? As in, that Playstation game?
ADAM: NO. (angry pause) Soul weaver.
JEB: So what, you make soul jumpers or something?
ADAM: What [...]

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Fooddeeeeeeee!

February 17, 2005

The footy season starts tomorrow (sort of)!
I’m so excited, I’m currently getting pre-drunk in celebration of tomorrow night.

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Odd Stuffings

February 16, 2005

Speaking of my parents’ novelty Christmas presents, as I’ve already noted – this Christmas I received an eerie, liquid-filled stress ball of George W. Bush’s head. Perhaps aptly, if you study it from certain angles, his noggin looks like a map of the earth.
In the closest nod we’ll probably get in Sydney to the tarantula-stuffed [...]

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Novelty Drinking Accessories vs World War III

February 12, 2005

When it comes to Christmas presents, my parents seem to have located the only Granny May’s outlet still standing, and have encountered some sort of spectacular wholesale purchase deal.
This Christmas just passed, I received Jelly Shots. They’re gelatine-based (at least, I hope) shot glasses. There’s one thing which makes the Jelly Shots rise above all [...]

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Bread, Milk, Nipple

February 9, 2005

I’ve always enjoyed living near the city, although our current house has presented a rather unique problem.
There’s a small corner store near here, which we frequent for simple grocery requirements. However, should we be after something markedly supermarket-esque, need to hire a DVD, or visit a newsagent… that involves a visit to Australia’s largest red-light [...]

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Questions Which Are Only Asked in Sydney, #82: “Is This a Gym or a, er… Sauna?”

February 6, 2005

When it comes to fitness, I’m just there to maintain myself, not to excel and become some sort of gargatuan monster. Not dissimilar to Kerri-Anne Kennerly periodically trying her botoxed hand at hosting gameshows.
No, reducing the body’s capacity to support a neck and ability to fit inside a bathtub are strictly Adam’s role in this [...]

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Dear Corporations of the World

February 4, 2005

Cease referring to your products and services as solutions. You should not make me so angry about petty marketing terms when I am drunk, but you do. Stop it, stop it, stop it. Insert cry icon here.

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