When it comes to fitness, I’m just there to maintain myself, not to excel and become some sort of gargatuan monster. Not dissimilar to Kerri-Anne Kennerly periodically trying her botoxed hand at hosting gameshows.
No, reducing the body’s capacity to support a neck and ability to fit inside a bathtub are strictly Adam’s role in this relationship. I’m the one who needs to play the housewife role and cheer on Adam when he finally appears on Fox Sports 2, as a middleweight at some dodgy RSL boxing event.
My gripe is that I just want a regular, attitude-free, reasonably maintained gym. Currently I’m signed up with Fitness First, mostly because they have gyms – sorry, holistic health centres – both where I live, and near the office I work at.
The Fitness First I attend in the city is the size of a small penthouse, though. The classes resemble Tokyo subways and usually descend into slapstick ridiculousness. When you’ve got four hundred yuppies packed into a small cube, and the instructor is desperately pleading with everyone to “kick higher! HIGHER!” …at least four people end up with mild concussion to the head.
Previously, I was a member of Gold’s Gym, but there was an eerie atmosphere there… everyone seemed to be one step away from whipping themselves up into an orgy, but was unsure who should make the first move.
Then there’s City Gym, which always strikes me as a place to show off your body, not work on it. I’m yet to recall any other gym which presents its members on display through a shopfront window like City Gym does.
Of course, there’s another Fitness First in the city that I could visit… but there’s a high danger of leaving that particular gym with a cock up your arse, without you even noticing.
Can any other Sydneysiders recommend a decent gym in the city? The Cook & Phillip Park gym/pool complex doesn’t look bad, although the overpowering stench of chlorine and children’s urine may take some getting used to.
At least I’m eating a lot better this year – although I’m still baffled by the brands of food which offer three dietary options: Regular, Light and Extra Light. Why on earth would you purchase Light over Extra Light? Can you really not make the full commitment? What sort of crazy marketing middle-ground is this?