Occasionally Adam will become sidetracked from his boxing with obsessions over obscure martial arts. Previously it’s been krav maga, but now it’s vale tudo. He’s been downloading dodgy underground videos all day. The only problem is that after hours of viewing huge vale tudo fighters beat the shit out of each other, he’s all hyped up, and I have to bear the brunt of it.
ADAM: (tackles me against the wall and snarls)
ME: So it’s Vale Tudo now, is it?
ADAM: Yeah. I’LL BITE YOUR NOSE OFF, CUNT.
ME: So you can fucking BITE in vale tudo?
ADAM: Nar. (pins my neck against the wall)
ME: So you just bite noses and shit anyway?
ADAM: Why not?
ME: You’d get disqualified?
ADAM: Well, it’d be pretty cool to bite someone’s nose off.
ME: I see.
ADAM: If I was a vale tudo fighter, nobody would be able to face me.
ME: And why is that?
ADAM: Because I’d bite their entire face off. They’d have nothing left to face me with.
Just bear in mind this is all before 9am on a Saturday morning!
In related sports news, I was drunkenly trapped in front of the Melbourne v Adelaide A-League game last night. And you know what? I actually really bloody enjoyed it, for a game where no goals are scored (for someone to whom AFL is bread and butter, I’d normally need that kinda action, as opposed to pure tactical skill). I’m not sure if it’s the novelty of a (sort of) new football league in Australia/NZ, the fact that Aussie soccer players don’t crumple like tinfoil at mere grazes, or the fact that seeing seagulls flapping around on a soccer field is so bloody Aussie it’s not funny – but I was really getting into it.
This could come in handy during the AFL’s off-season. I’ll watch a few more games, I think. It’s just a pity that all the team names sound like they’re fictional soccer teams from gay soccer-fantasy porn movies. OH YES! PERTH GLORY! UNFFFH! MELBOURNE VICTORY! HARDER!