For some reason, Maggie Tabberer scares the shit out of me. She just seems to exhude pure evil. I mean, look at her. Wearing a cape and… plotting. You try and prove anyone wearing a cape isn’t evil (my own 15-year-old goth misadventures in a quest to find a sense of self not included).
That plant in the background is surely plastic, no natural form of fauna could withstand that woman’s sulphurous emissions.
Now, I realise there may be some non-Aussies reading this, and although the Tabbersaurus is not an immediate intercontinental threat, she does have the ability to weild unexpected power over the media at short notice. It’s best just to be prepared, at least.
Maggie Tabberer was created not too long after the dawn of time, when she landed on Earth and began selling plus-size women’s clothing to dinosaurs. Crumping with sheer terror under her cross-promotional efforts across women’s magazines, they soon committed mass suicide rather than endure her reign any further.
For many years, Maggie Tabberer (nb: latin for “terror”) flew around the fringes of society. Literally. She has webbed wings which are often disguised behind stylish homewares. With such branded bargains at hand, who could notice her leathery talons flapping around in the background?
After unsuccesfully attempting to spawn herself on numerous occasions (I’ll discuss about her male form, Mikus Hammondus, at a later date) she began her next attempt at causing a total overthrow of society by instigating a nuclear war via opinion columns in the Australian Women’s Weekly. After Ita Buttrose desperately impaled herself on a pile of Mere Male column submissions in a valiant attempt to control her reign, Maggie overthrew the government of Australia, where she remains to this day pulling the strings of political puppets; who remain terrified of her laserbeam nipples.
Her favourite colour is Murdered Oxen-Blood Red and she is only defeatable with nutmeg cakes baked in the heavily-guarded Women’s Weekly kitchen compound.
World Wide Jeb Fun Fact! You can create an instant Maggie halloween costume by wearing a stocking on your head, leering ominously, subverting the management of Foxtel via stapling their ears to the wall and instagating your own eerily ominous chat show.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
We had a far more evil Maggie. In your face, loozer!
I don’t want to be a stick in the mud, or a bore (again), but is there no way this can be fed into LJ, or even copied and pasted? My memory is so poor these days :(
Mr Shipman, there is. I’ll email you ;)