World Wide Jeb

There’s Always One Satanic Bad Egg

November 24, 2008

It’s with great trepidation that I write any blog entry revolving around the word “egg”. Inevitably, Adam will peer over my shoulder and then we’ll be egg-converting words all evening to, frankly, what results in very little hilarity. It’s an egg-scruitating egg-sercise in seeing who can egg-ceed the other’s ability to egg up the most words.

See, eggs haven’t been treating this household well, lately. Our local Coles supermarket seems to be waging a silent war – everything that can go wrong with eggs lately has been inflicted on us.

It began with a large number of cracked eggs in a dozen that we bought. Annoying, but certainly nothing out of the ordinary. Much grumbling was had, but we STRUGGLED ON.

Not one week later, and Adam eagerly cracked open some freshly purchased Coles eggs to be met with a sickly skwoosh against the pan. This particular batch, it seemed had somehow been stored frozen and weren’t quite thawed. What plopped out of the shell was part yolky Icy Pole, part vague murky yellowness. According to the internets, eggs can be frozen but I frankly don’t trust the method. Too much unknown ice-shardy danger.

Then there was this weekend’s episode. While I was taking a shower upstairs, Adam began eagerly preparing some egg and bacon butties for us. Mid-shower I heard an uncharacteristically feminine yelp, followed by a full 15 minutes of vitriolic ranting against all Coles stood for. I also noticed a rather putrid stench began clawing its way up the stairs, and was a little hesitant to check what had happened.

After managing to calm Adam down, it seems the latest yolky gift from Coles was a deadly black egg. A 100% disgusting, stinking black egg. We don’t even want to think about how it happened, but now we know something for certain: we are being haunted by an Egg of Death from Coles. I’m not even sure I can go near anything remotely eggy for the time being. All I can think of is some Satanic chicken crapping out this latest work of art.

So, what next? You’ll Love Coles-branded chicken embryos? I’m… egg-stremely fearful.