From the monthly archives:

February 2009

What’s More Painful: Lifting Your Entire Body Weight, or Breakast Radio?

February 22, 2009

It seems I may have to adjust the description of my site: for almost a month now, I’ve given up the grog in the name of fitness for the time being. This has been accompanied by a rather riduculous catalogue of other fitness-related activities at fairly criminal hours of the day.
My early weights training now [...]

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Whitewashed

February 21, 2009

You don’t see chefs proudly wearing smeared chorizo sausages over their apron.
You don’t see financial analysts stapling printouts of spreadsheets to their businesswear.
You certainly don’t see actors stickytaping DVDs across their own bodies.
So why do painters insist on wearing white uniforms to show off just how hard they’ve worked each day?! Dudes, we get it. [...]

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I Telecommanded Your Mum

February 19, 2009

Everyone’s got those lovey-dovey couples’ nicknames for each other… honeypie. Sweetie. Erotically charged buttock-boil. (Okay, maybe we’re not all married to Dani Filth).
What I truly relish is those nicknames ascending into highly abusive condemnations, which somehow still remain endearing. Yelling “NOOB!” at each other over the last few years has somehow organically blossomed into the [...]

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The World Wide Jeb Guide to Soundwave 2009… and Related Dessert Treats

February 16, 2009

The entire spectrum of every American emo band EVER barging into Australia simultaneously can only mean one thing. No, it’s not a sudden outbreak of perplexed xenophobia from Bruce Ruxton (although a collective of emo bands’ ghostly and sudden appearance in the country will no doubt provoke this). No, nothing like that – the Soundwave [...]

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The Truth About Xavier Rudd

February 11, 2009

It’s interesting to see how Xavier Rudd has grown in popularity over the years. Deliriously independent, socially conscious, so goddamn acoustic he makes Jack Johnson seem like Kerry King by comparison; everyone certainly seems to have warmed to him and his ways.
All of which is utterly alien to me, because XAVIER RUDD USED TO BEAT [...]

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Missing in A*ction

February 10, 2009

Writing about Ian Turpie yesterday got me reminiscing about other game shows… specifically, older childrens’ game shows.
It cannot be denied that James Sherry of A*mazing fame was ahead of his time. In 1994, there was a sense of inevitability that the future would involve fucking gigantic keyboards we’d need to navigate around at high speed [...]

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The Dyson is Right

February 9, 2009

Over the weekend, we happened to pass a store in South Melbourne with the gut-bustingly enthusiastic name: READY, STEADY, VACUUM!
The store cracked me up because it sounds like a gameshow gagging to be hosted by Ian Turpie. Presumably, the premise wouldn’t be too dissimilar from the sadly-retired Supermarket Sweep, but retooled for a more sensitive [...]

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Come Out and Decay

February 8, 2009

I’ve just realised that the Offspring have not inflicted a single on us in recent years featuring any of the following:

a sample which incenses you to merge your forehead with any nearby cupboard
some sort of plinky keyboard hook lifted directly from Andrew W.K.
infantile lyrics which should almost certainly not be sung by a dad rocker [...]

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Prepare for Ricky Martin to Confuse/Terrify You Even Further

February 7, 2009

Adam has this wincingly bad method of attempting to obscure any lapses in his vocabulary, by hastily inventing new terminology.
Most commonly in these situations, he’s smashed and can barely get a sentence out anyway. This summer he’s drawlingly requested that I turn on the “electric wind” (fan). This is a seasonal appearance, obviously – it’s [...]

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Dear Authors of Any Gay Fiction

February 5, 2009

This evening, I witnessed some excrutiatingly bad/unintentionally hilarious gay local theatre as part of Melbourne’s Midsumma festival. There was a giveaway that we were attending gay theatre – the production company thoughtfully left packs of lube and condoms on the seats as we entered. Classy! Right from the start, this had me concerned about what [...]

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