Over the weekend, we happened to pass a store in South Melbourne with the gut-bustingly enthusiastic name: READY, STEADY, VACUUM!
The store cracked me up because it sounds like a gameshow gagging to be hosted by Ian Turpie. Presumably, the premise wouldn’t be too dissimilar from the sadly-retired Supermarket Sweep, but retooled for a more sensitive economic age.
As stool-looseningly exciting as READY, STEADY, VACUUM! sounds; the final round in this particular show would probably not consist of a manic supermarket dash, but rather dustbusting some freshly vomited hairballs in exchange for food tokens or the like. Nothing that ascends to the apex of true Turpie gameshow glory.
No, nothing could really beat the golden days of Supermarket Sweep – particularly the final round: a giddy, wide-eyed contestant who appears to have been injected with ketamine; seemingly warned that Satan is hiding in the freezer section; and convinced that The Great Evil can only be warded off with bulk packages of Huggies. Come back Turps, the FlyBuys cardholders of Australia need you.
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That store name really could be used for anything…
Ready, Steady,
You know, you’re right. And they’ll always simultaneously sound like a game show and a retail outlet.
Ready, Steady, Colonic Irrigation!