There’s an increasing marketing habit I’ve observed with food advertising in recent times, and I have something to say.
Corporations, take note: places are not flavours.
For example, what the hell am I supposed to assume “southwest sauce” is before Subway slop it all over my miserable, wrinkled sandwich? The gritty, earthy taste of Arizonian gravel? The desperate tears of Las Vegas tourists wringing out their mortgage repayments over a roulette table? Some filthy euphemism for man-sauce?
Similarly, emotions are not flavours. The “Angry Whopper” doesn’t sound like it’s supposed to be a spicy hamburger. It sounds more like Mark “Jacko” Jackson straining on the bog after a salty carbohydrates binge.
Finally, abstract concepts are not flavours. There’s a new sugar-free flavour of Eclipse mints floating around Australian convenience stores. Granted, “Sugar Free But Will Probably Give You Cancer Down The Track Mints” doesn’t quite have that zing to it, but did they really have to resort to naming the new mint flavour “Black Chill”? All I’m asking for is oral hygiene – not something which sounds like a Ministry of Sound compilation, or R-rated porn.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
oh oh, I have another one: adjectives are not flavours, like in sports drinks have: ELECTRIC BERRY! or ORANGE BLAST!
I hate that. I want to be refreshed, not injured!
Your willingness to buy into the assumption that the cardinal points all refer to regions of the United States is awesome and cute.
Southwest Sauce is totally a Margaret River chardonnay.
I know this is an old entry and shit, but dude!
Those sugar free Eclipse Mints taste like absolute crap. I had to buy some the other day because I’d rocked up to work drunk and I reeked of alcohol, and I swear they taste what I imagine fabric softner would taste like going by the smell.
FOUL.