I’m one of those kids who grew up in the fearless 80s with both an electric blanket and an occasional bed-wetting problem. Hey, I turned out okay! My parents even refused to replace my Target-brand electric blanket when it began exposing raw wires, assuring me “it’ll be right”.
Perhaps it’s the childhood comfort of climbing into a toasty warm bed that causes me to yearn for an electric blanket in the growing chill of Melbourne recently. That said, I do have an established history of nodding off while an electric blanket roars away at its highest possible setting, causing me to wake five kilograms lighter due to drowning in sweat. (Maybe I’ve just stumbled on the next weight loss sensation to rival FatZap).
Recently I’ve been gently suggesting to Adam that an electric blanket could be the ideal solution to our freezing bedroom. Have you ever seen that final scene from Backdraft? That’s precisely what he predicts will happen to our entire suburb if we ever use an electric blanket. As far as he’s concerned, they’re the Saddam Hussein of the bedroom.
(Struggling to suppress a diversion into the possibilities of what Saddam Hussein’s Bedroom would involve as a porno… struggling… struggling… suppressed!)
Even my suggestion that I purchase a single-bed electric blanket, and only use it on my side of the bed, didn’t fly. I was trying to be a dude and take all the heat for the team! But no, he won’t hear a word of it. Even trying to convince him of the merits of my horizontal electric blanket concept didn’t impress (it’d make an ideal foot warmer for those too terrified to fully commit to an electric blanket).
This is when he snapped and spat that I should go buy some of those battery powered electric socks if I wanted to stay warm.
THIS CAUSED MY MIND TO IMPLODE WITH VOLCANIC LEVELS OF AMAZEMENT. HOW HAVE I NOT HEARD OF ELECTRIC SOCKS?!
Yet they exist! Now I’m off and running with the possibilities of all-over battery-powered clothing for every winter occasion. Electric undies? Toasty! Electric jeans? Cozy! Electric beanie? Snug! Electric puffa jacket? Still looks as stupid as it did in 1999, but even cozier and warm than it was before!
Mark my words – soon we’ll think nothing of slinging a car battery around in our backpack to keep our electrical-powered clothing deliciously warm all day.
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My housemates are currently hardening/widening (depending on their gender) over the news that there are now electric THROW RUGS. So, basically an electric blanket with a pattern, so you don’t have to shove it under your bedding.
Personally, I hate them. Climbing into bed, only to have the sensation that a really fat man was just in there, heaving and sweating and steaming in my spot? Blergh.
It doesn’t help that I am probably part werewolf, as I am always a few degrees warmer than everyone else. My hands are never cold, I’m always hovering near a window, waiting until everyone’s back is turned so I can open it, and climbing into an ice cold bed? It’s about as close to sexual activity as my bed ever sees.
I, for one, will be spurning your new electric clothing…unless it’s reverse cycle?