We haven’t owned a car for the last 10 years. My preferred illusion is that we’re environmentally conscious, when the quiet reality is that my last experience owning a car was like being married to Pete Doherty.
Sure, sometimes it’d start if it was feeling perky. Other times it’d lie drooling in my driveway in an engine-flooded coma. Its habit of randomly conking out while I was on the highway also made life just a little too exciting.
Did I mention it was a Datsun Sunny? Because it was, and there’s limited methods of revealing that’s the brand of your car to your mates without resorting to a Mr. Humphries impersonation.
After Adam and I moved into inner Sydney, it was almost pointless owning a car, so we got rid of it, and haven’t really driven a car since – but lately we’ve decided we’d like to get around a little more on the weekends. That, and I’ve bloody well saved up enough carbon credits over the last 10 years by not driving, so I intend to pollute the roads as irresponsibly as possible.
Last week I concluded it’d be a wise idea to book a refresher driving lesson – just to make sure I’ve still got a grip on moving a vehicle around. Alarm bells went off when the fellow at the driving school who answered the phone sounded like the squeaky-voiced teenage Simpsons character pictured to the left – but we’re keen to get a car, so I booked him in. He was the first guy that was available.
Sometimes you should trust your instincts. The first sign of trouble began when he rang to advise he’d be around 25 minutes late due to traffic. Perhaps bad judgement on my part for booking a lesson at 5:30 PM, but surely he’d have the experience to recognise this could be a problem?
Thus began my driving lesson with someone more highly strung than Jack Johnson’s twee acoustic guitar. He seemed constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown, despite the bumper-to-bumper traffic we were plodding our way through slowly. Still, at least I got the experience in – I’m planning on test driving a car to buy tomorrow, so we’ll see how I go.
One important thing I realised during my driving lesson – pedestrians are bloody unsafe beings! I’m equally guilty of it myself, but I’d forgotten how freaking unpredictable and dangerous stepping out in front of a car can be. Especially when it’s me behind the wheel, you targets-in-waiting.
I’m sure there’s a few other things I’ve forgotten since I was last driving regularly, too. Bloody hell, I haven’t even used a petrol pump in years, and I’ll have no trouble building up my anxiety about that one to a point where I’m recreating the petrol station scene from Zoolander purely by accident.
Wish me luck.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
lol I drove a deisel for the first time ever a few weeks back and had to fill it up.
I had to pull up at a random pump and actually walk around for five minutes looking for what to do because I had no idea.
I felt like the biggest idiot :).
Well, I suppose the Datsun Sunny wasn’t the worst car ever made, not quite. Tip, check which side the fuel tank filler is on before pulling into a service station. You can actually do it by studying the symbol on the fuel gauge inside the car, but that can be very confusing as it is often illogical. Happy motoring.
ROFL. I have nothing constructive to add except to let you know that your blog cracks me up. :) Let us know how the car shopping went!