From the monthly archives:

July 2009

Hey, We’re Just Protecting the Neighbourhood

July 29, 2009

Every now and then, I gleefully entertain fantasies of laughing in the face of my current job, and becoming a full-time house painter. A mate of mine continues to espouse a theory that a bunch of us could all easily slap a few licks of paint on buildings for a living, but makes the activity [...]

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Sexist Septoplasty

July 28, 2009

Over the past few weeks I’ve been spending a little quality time with a nose specialist. No, I’m not flirting with the notion of transforming my honker into a sharpened beak that could sharpen a knife. Just getting my nasal breathing problems fixed, as I mentioned a few months ago.
My regular doctor referred me to [...]

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My Boyfriend, the Psychic Medical Doctor

July 27, 2009

Last week, Adam embarked on his traditional Friday night drunken bicycle ride home from work. Unluckily for him, the sky was shedding more tears than the contestants of a Channel 10 reality show, and the roads were rather sodden.
This resulted in a spectacular stack on his part – he was trying to lean into a [...]

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When the Cold, Hard Reality of the Babysitter’s Club Slaps You in the Face

July 16, 2009

Recently I’ve been vaguely looking into how people earn money from writing, and have discovered that you can make a full-time living as a speechwriter. It’s probably not an option for me, as it’d prove way too dangerously tempting for me to slyly insert last-minute additions, so politicians begin blurting out statements like “That’s why [...]

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This is the Most Fascinatingly Awful Band I’ve Heard in Eons

July 13, 2009

Look, I do my very best not to give anyone crap for liking a particular musical artist. Lord knows my own taste is highly suspicious: although I’m primarily a fan of punk, hard rock and metal, it’s no secret that my gym playlist is frequently home to the tackiest pop groups in history. You may [...]

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Is This the Worst Comic in the World?

July 9, 2009

First and foremost, I cannot claim any responsibility whatsoever for tracking down this monstrosity. You’re about to view something which is an existential slap in the face to illustrators everywhere, found by the extremely talented Mutley James. Wherever he found it, I’ve no doubt infants passed away within a 5 metre radius as he carried [...]

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Why So Serious?

July 6, 2009

What is that causes fun-l0ving musical artists who don’t take themselves seriously, to suddenly go all solemn and release an album that’s a po-faced platitudinous musical fart in the wind? I’m all for bands exploring their sounds, but is it necessary to be belting out a fun lovin’ rock anthem one moment, only to violently [...]

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Where Have all the Bizarre Two-in-One Stores Gone?

July 3, 2009

If you grew up in the country, you’d be familiar with the concept of bizarre hybrid stores. In townships with smaller populations, you’d frequently find stores melding hardware with children’s toys, newsagents with chemists and other such strange combinations.
To prevent a complete homogenisation of our urban shopping strips, I call for a re-institution of such [...]

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If You’re Served Pancakes on your Next Plane Flight, Jump Out the Airlock

July 2, 2009

According to a friend of mine, I’m obsessed with referring to humanity’s inevitably doomed future within my blog entries.
In fact, when I happened to catch a TV commercial for “Napisan, now with built in oxy-intelligence!” last night — my initial reaction was “wow — that sounds like how Skynet started”. I’m sure Dynamo Sentient isn’t [...]

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