Last week, Adam embarked on his traditional Friday night drunken bicycle ride home from work. Unluckily for him, the sky was shedding more tears than the contestants of a Channel 10 reality show, and the roads were rather sodden.
This resulted in a spectacular stack on his part – he was trying to lean into a sharp turn, but this resulted in him mashing his body against the bitumen. He arrived home as a pile of bloodied and grazed muscles dusted with gravel.
Whenever he has accidents like these, he refuses any of my medical attention until he’s got some photos of his injuries first. Being hardcore is important! What’s more frustrating, though, is that he rarely takes time to see the doctor. This strange approach to illness and injury was something I noticed within the first few weeks of going out with him: whenever he was sick, he used to search the old Ask Jeeves search engine, because “Jeeves looks authoritative, he’s probably got some good advice for me”.
His shoulder has been getting steadily more painful, but he’s refusing to see a doctor at present, no matter how much I pester him. In fact, he seems to think he’s got an even better approach.
Me: Why don’t you just go to the doctor today? It’ll only take an hour.
Adam: It’ll heal itself. Mind over matter!
Me: You really should see a physio or something… you don’t know damage you might’ve done. You could have really screwed up your shoulder.
Adam: If I concentrate hard enough, I can fix it! (begins making high-pitched “eeeeee” noise)
Me: … What on Earth are you doing?
Adam: I’m healing myself! Right now!
Me: This isn’t like some videogame health power-up, you dick!
Adam: I can fix anything with my mind! Just like I can will people to fall over on command!
Me: You can fix anything? What if you get cancer, you’ll just will it away?
Adam: Well, obviously, that’s different.
Me: So there’s a line as to what you can heal with your mind?
Adam: Clearly.
Me: You are the worst medical doctor in the world.
Adam: Psychic medical doctor.
Today he’s decided to self-diagnose and put his arm in a sling. Partial victory to me, seeing as he’s halfway to admitting that he needs medical assistance! Wait until he starts getting muscle calcifications, then I’ll really be on my way to proving my point.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I have the ability to cure shoulder pain…you just pop it back in. Oh wait, no that’s just for dislocations :P.
I say this with love, but you two are like a pair of cartoon characters. Adam moreso, I suppose.
Could you not convince him to go to the doctor by promising to take the really good painkillers they’ll give him and get all stupid and let him make fun of you, maybe?