Australia’s well known for having frequently bizarre town names. A mate of mine recently pointed out the town he grew up in on a state map of Victoria, and after taking a closer look, it boggled me. Every surrounding burb sounded like a World of Warcraft level, a Shakespearean insult, or a poo joke inflicted on a town by a tittering, scatology-obsessed local planner.
This led to me researching the stranger town names of the state of Victoria, so here’s the top 10 unfortunate names I found…
#10: Wood Wood, 3596
This area of the state has got to be the cartographer’s equivalent of Family Guy. Located near the otherwise dignified locale of Swan Hill, Wood Wood undoes all the historical relevance of the area with a dick joke. If that’s not bad enough, why not pay a visit to nearby Bulga (which I desperately hope is pronounced “bulger”)?
Perhaps you’re after some ladypart-influenced town names, in which case the nearby town of Beverford may interest you. Otherwise, pay a visit to Wood Wood’s local Poon Boon Lake (I promise you, I’m not joking).
It appears the area planner got bored at some point: the next town up from Wood Wood is simply named Goodnight.
#9: Sale, 3850
One of the larger towns on this list, but I challenge you not to hear The Price is Right theme playing through your subconscious whenever you happen to pass through the town. The town’s population has been dwindling in recent decades – my suspicion is that wordplay in end of financial year “sale” advertising for local stores is slowly driving most of them to commit hari-kari.
#8: Graytown, 3608
There isn’t really any way to make this town sound exciting, is there? Visit Graytown, home of adequate tourist attractions at fairly reasonable prices! The naming protocol for the area is strangely colour-influenced: you’ll also find Redcastle nearby, in addition to Mount Black. Which I’m sure is evil and blacker than the blackest black times infinity.
#7: Cardigan, 3352
Sounding every bit as exciting as Graytown, turns out there’s also a town named Cardigan. Perhaps it’s the origin of the wooly cardi. Funnily enough, the next town along is named Bo Peep, so perhaps she should go visit Cardigan if she’s wondering what’s happened to all her bloody sheep.
I imagine the town is populated by women with names like Maude. (Which, incidentally, is the name of another town – Maude, 3331).
#6: Musk, 3461
Sorry, this sounds like nothing other than the brand name of an adult entertainment business. Also guilty of this crime: Rainbow, 3424; and Guys Forest, 3709.
#5: The Sisters, 3265
The Sisters is located in the middle of nowhere, eons away from the closest major town of Warrnambool. Which makes it even more terrifying that the town sounds like a self-fulfilling horror movie. Be on constant lookout for creepy twin girls following you around town with a knife.
#4: Speed, 3488
Notable for attracting both V8-obsessed hoons and overenthusiastic fans of amphetamines to the locale. I’m certain that the “Speed Post Office” would present a gargantuan disappointment to drug-influenced folk hoping for a fix.
Apparently the local council has erected signs on entry to the town, desperately pleading “Welcome to Speed – please slow down…”
#3: Blowhard, 3352
Look, it’s all going downhill from here, okay? What did you expect from me, of all people? Actually, I just realised this town is located right near Cardigan, so perhaps those seniors are getting up to more exciting shenanigans than I first suspected. Suspiciously, Blowhard is also located next door to Bald Hills.
#2: Poowong, 3988
Well, admit it. It’s funny. They’ve got “poo” in their town name. They should colour themselves lucky it’s not Poowang, or…
#1: Dookie, 3646
There we go. Case closed. There cannot be anything worse than resentfully admitting that you “live in Dookie”.
Well, that’s the state of Victoria covered – there were many more I wanted to include, but I had to whittle it down to ten. There’s plenty more bezerk town names in other states of Australia, too. Care to share a local favourite in the comments? My personal favourite: Egg & Bacon Bay in Tasmania.
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
I think WA has the worst town name and they dont need a countdown from 10 to win it.
#1 – Cockburn, 6164
I rest my case.
There’s a town in Tassie called “Ouse”, which is actually pronounced “Ooze”
Egg & Bacon Bay???!!!
“I want to go to there”
WA’s amusing names also include:
Upper Swan
Innaloo
(Posting this from Wagga Wagga, the punchline of so many dumb pronounces-A’s-as-O’s jokes)
How’s about Innaloo and Upper Swan, which are both in WA…
Wouldn’t want to tell people where I live.
Q: Where do you live?
A: Upper Swan
A: Innaloo
Funny as though!!!!
Snap, IanH!!!!
Hey Charm,
Cockburn is pronounced “Cohburn”,which doesn’t sound as bad as it’s spelt! LOL!!!!
Hey Alison :) yeah, still cracks me up though when i drive past it each day!
On the NSW Central Coast is a little place called ‘Tumbi Umbi’.
I went to Tumbi Umbi High School, I was a Tumbi Umbian. The shame.
It’s not particularly dirty or double-entendre or anything, but I’ve always loved the sound of Grabben Gullen (SW NSW). Go on, say it three times out loud…
Dan, I think we should have a road trip back to that infamous pub at Ouse, and record it for prosperity. Is it on Street View?
No!
Not my beloved Poowong!
You can’t poke your pickles at beautiful Poowong!
Poowong is legendary…maybe not as legendary as the Dunolly Eagles’ tragic defeat at the hands of Lagoon-Serpentine 0.1.1 to 72.24.456….but Poowong is the rumble in the Sandman engine, it’s the rampant lion on the Holden hubcap, it’s the cheeky seagull trying for the hot chip out of your very hand.
I rest my case :P
http://www.accuracyproject.org/towns.html Some funny names.
Dude. How could Pakenham Upper not be number one? HOW?
Goomalibee and Upotipotpon
I will say no more.
You forgetted Tittybong!
OH MY GOD! What an oversight!!
I have no idea how I missed that one.
Okay, I feel a need to represent Queensland.
Bum-Bum Creek
Bald Knob (also Bone’s Knob and Yorkey’s Knob – there are a lot of knobs in Queensland – SHUT UP)
Humpybong
Middle Intercourse Island
Also, in/near Darwin:
Humpty-Doo
Fanny Bay
(And the main road through Fanny Bay? Dickward Drive.)
Iron Knob, SA is a pretty amazing name.
I live near a town called hotspur in Vic
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