From the monthly archives:

September 2009

Gaslight Music: Melbourne’s Most Naked and Awesome Record Store

September 28, 2009

Melbourne’s best and most bizarre record store has got to be the sadly-demised Gaslight Music. What other music store was famous for annual nude days, semi-secret promotions which involved making a spectacle of yourself in the store for free CDs and in-store appearances that constantly resulted in the store’s destruction? Although it closed in 2005, [...]

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Fact: I Own the Shiniest Pants in the Universe

September 21, 2009

Wearing pants is important in society, apparently. However, I find clothes shopping so unbearably tedious, it makes me want to gnaw off my own arm. After extravagantly splitting my pants in public, though, I’ve learnt it’s a sensible move to buy new work pants a little more often. Whenever the major department stores hold a [...]

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Electric Bicycles and the Losers that Ride Them: A Plague on Society

September 16, 2009

Electric bikes: a fitness placebo for the morbidly lazy. When was the last time you didn’t snort in derision when some lazy tosser squealed and whirred past you in one of these up the pavement? It’s like committing to a golf buggy or ride-on lawnmower, without benefiting from any of the function – not to [...]

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How to Stop Showering and Score Girls

September 15, 2009

What’s wrong with this sentence? You look homeless, smell like you’ve bathed in Tommy Lee’s sweat, have almost no cash to your name, are borderline alcoholic, can barely string a legible sentence together but are utterly drowning in the affections of women. HOW? HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? Simply add the words “you play guitar in [...]

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The Easiest Goddamn Job in the World

September 8, 2009

The easiest way to make an incredibly large amount of money seems to be joining the ranks of brain-dead IT analysts. Just this week, I’ve found the following quotes from analysts in various IT news articles: “Apple may introduce new iPod models at its “rock and roll” event on Sept. 9.” HOLY SHITBALLS, NO KIDDING. [...]

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Our Local Cursed Cafe

September 7, 2009

Our local cafe is suffering a curse from the retail gods. Like Pauline Hanson descending into battiness and railing against every form of mass media known to man, it’s an insurmountable struggle that somehow continues unfolding over time. I’m not entirely sure what the properietors of this particular cafe have done wrong to repeatedly find [...]

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Ten Stupid Things This Decade Will be Remembered For

September 3, 2009

This decade will be shuddering to an end in no time. We don’t have long to set in concrete what to wear at future noughties-themed costume parties… Here’s my pick of ten things which will be remembered as stupid remnants of the decade. 1. Reality TV This genre of “real life” television echoed far into [...]

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Who Stole our Bins?

September 2, 2009

Upon leaving our house earlier this week, we discovered that our trusty Otto garbage bins had been stolen. Many questions immediately arose in our minds. In a region which has a bounty of garbage bins supplied at no cost by the local council, why did a neighbour suddenly establish the need to house multiple trash [...]

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