Electric bikes: a fitness placebo for the morbidly lazy. When was the last time you didn’t snort in derision when some lazy tosser squealed and whirred past you in one of these up the pavement? It’s like committing to a golf buggy or ride-on lawnmower, without benefiting from any of the function – not to mention any of the fitness.
This morning, I noticed that a jumbo-sized store has opened near my house, dedicated exclusively to the sale of moron-mover machines (FINE, call them electric bikes). To my dismay, there were a few interested customers waddling around looking at the displays. I’m baffled as to why they’re purchasing such a method of transport. Is it because they don’t have a licence, therefore can’t drive a Vespa, and are settling for the next best thing?
Yes, they make me irrationally angry; but so does anything mint-flavoured that isn’t a breath freshener, so I’m not claiming to be completely reasonable here.
This got me thinking. Some countries are considering passing laws to artificially increase the noise that electric cars make. It seems the hard-of-hearing are occasionally being bowled over by the whispering death phenomenon of near-silent electric cars, so governments want a synthetic engine noise to roar out of speakers under the bonnet.
Why can’t we introduce this rule for electric bikes as well? Sure, they already sound like a lawnmower choking to death on a ferret, but I’m thinking more as a loser alert than for safety considerations. Surely we could discourage more folk from purchasing electric bikes, if C&C Music Factory’s opus “Everybody Dance Now” began roaring out of built-in speakers every time you flicked on the engine?
Or perhaps just a booming, perpetual, parping fart noise whenever you jump on the saddle. Yep, that’s the answer! If you want to be the dick that rides an electric bike, you’ve got to suffer the shame of what appears to be awe-inspiring flatulence.
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Are you talking about electric or petrol bikes?
The electric ones I’ve seen look like mini vespa scooters and are silent.
The petrol hatchet jobs are loud noisy and obnoxious.
Mind you I’d never ride either but I have a higher tolerance of the electric variety then their petrol powered cousin.