Indoor Lawns: Not the Greatest Interior Design Idea

We’ve owned the most offensive rug in the universe for some years now. I’m considering burning the damn thing.

At some point in the past, Adam decided that he wanted a new rug for the lounge room, and was very set on getting a specific colour. He was suspiciously secretive about what he had in mind, and wouldn’t tell me until we’d arrived at the local Omnipresent Swedish Furniture Store.

Marching up the aisles of the store, he was clearly a man on a mission. Like a laser set on a target, he hurled himself towards a shaggy rug-thing I’d call Lime Green Tentacle Attack, if I was being polite.

He’d clearly had his mind set on this for a while. “Why this particular colour?” I sadly asked, in full knowledge that I’d already lost the battle.

“My plan is to recreate a lawn inside our living room,” he explained patiently. “This way I can roll around in the grass, even when it’s raining outside.” And you better believe he did. The very day we purchased it, he unfurled himself on it and rolled around until he fell asleep in the sun. It was almost terrifying to see someone get so much enjoyment from artificial turf.

Whenever friends visited, I had to defensively explain why a Kermit-green horror had been slapped on our floor. Even accidentally taking a photo of the damn thing on Facebook recently, a friend commented on the shocking colour, mistakenly believing it to be our real carpet.

That was the last straw. Viewing this rug without protective eyewear can set you years back in therapy. We’re shopping around for something else, and then I’m having a cleansing ceremony which may involve the old rug being set on fire.

The only reason I’m dreading our next rug purchase is that Adam may have decided he’d be happy with a particular replacement. You know that synthetic plastic grass that butchers use to display their wares? THAT. Lining our entire house. We’ll be living in a minigolf course.

Tagged as: Adam