By now, you’ve probably noticed that I’d kill for either a Roomba robotic vacuum cleaner or that new Dyson bladeless fan. Can’t help it. They’re the only way I’ll feel complete.
The natural progression here seems to be writing Roomba/Dyson fanfic. I’m hoping to start a revolution here, so PLEASE email me your own Roomba/Dyson fanfic or fan art, and I’ll compile everything together. It’ll be a hot, automated, sticky mess.
Vacuum of Desire: A Tale of Inter-Appliance Romance
Gleaming in the sunlight like Nicole Kidman’s forehead, the Roomba seductively slid into the room. Its sensors tingling with anticipation, the cleaning robot tensed as it sensed a presence in the room.
Violently smashing its hull against a solid surface, the Roomba quickly realised that presence was a wall. But onwards, harder it thrusted across the room.
Gazing longingly at the new mechanical arrival in the room, a gleaming Dyson fan heaved a sigh of annular aperture-enhanced stream of arctic air towards the circular love machine rolling on the floor. “Come to me,” it breathed, uncontrollably increasing its bladeless fan speed.
The vacuum beeped in ecstatic longing, and rolled towards the table which the fan was sitting on. Ramming back and forth, it headbutted the table leg as the fan giddily rocked off-balance. One thing was for sure: this robotic vacuum cleaner had been pre-programmed for efficiency and hanky-panky.
Finally causing enough momentum to thrust the fan from its ledge, it tumbled to the ground, aghast and flushed. “I’m so dirty… so dirty,” it whispered, in a very Dysony manner.
“Baby, I’m the robotic vacuum for you. Just wait until I’ve discharged my debris bin,” the vacuum cooed.
With that, it activated its high-speed mode, and thrust the fan towards the nearest double-adaptor power outlet.
FIN
I’m not kidding, either. Send me Dyson/Roomba fanfic or art! We can create a movement – hell, something’s gotta stop all those kids writing about Twilight!
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I want a Roomba. I won’t trust while I am out but will quite happily watch it at work.
roomba: you blow.
dyson: you suck.
All I thought while I was reading this is that theoretically the aperture of the fan could encircle the Roomba in it’s sweet embrace…
Although, I have seen neither of these devices in person but also lust after both. I am starting a new job (with a salary!) next year and I can’t decide which I want to aim for first.