From the yearly archives:

2009

The Easiest Goddamn Job in the World

September 8, 2009

The easiest way to make an incredibly large amount of money seems to be joining the ranks of brain-dead IT analysts. Just this week, I’ve found the following quotes from analysts in various IT news articles:
“Apple may introduce new iPod models at its “rock and roll” event on Sept. 9.”
HOLY SHITBALLS, NO KIDDING.
“The more [...]

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Our Local Cursed Cafe

September 7, 2009

Our local cafe is suffering a curse from the retail gods. Like Pauline Hanson descending into battiness and railing against every form of mass media known to man, it’s an insurmountable struggle that somehow continues unfolding over time.
I’m not entirely sure what the properietors of this particular cafe have done wrong to repeatedly find themselves [...]

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Ten Stupid Things This Decade Will be Remembered For

September 3, 2009

This decade will be shuddering to an end in no time. We don’t have long to set in concrete what to wear at future noughties-themed costume parties… Here’s my pick of ten things which will be remembered as stupid remnants of the decade.
1. Reality TV
This genre of “real life” television echoed far into pop culture. [...]

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Who Stole our Bins?

September 2, 2009

Upon leaving our house earlier this week, we discovered that our trusty Otto garbage bins had been stolen.
Many questions immediately arose in our minds. In a region which has a bounty of garbage bins supplied at no cost by the local council, why did a neighbour suddenly establish the need to house multiple trash receptacles? [...]

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Post-Op… No, Not THAT Kind of Post-Op

August 27, 2009

My face currently resembles what would happen if Jeannie Little went completely over the edge, and began wildly swiping her own blood on her face as makeup. Yessir, I’m back from the hospital after my nose operation.
Before the operation, I’d over-ambitiously planned all sorts of books to read, housework to tidy up, basically make the [...]

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When Kiteboarders Fail – and Other Great Free, Cruel Forms of Entertainment

August 24, 2009

Free entertainment in your suburb isn’t a particularly vexing task. There’s a few fail-safe spectacles around my suburb which never fail to amuse…
Watching angry customers teeter on the edge of sanity, as they wait for service at notoriously slow local cafes
When you’re a local, you grow to learn which cafes are unbearably slow. They can [...]

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Another Example of Why I’m the Worst Gamer Ever

August 20, 2009

Via an instant messenger conversation today…
Charm:have you played Gunpey?
Me: no..
Charm: its on ds.
Charm: so addictive!
Me: Ahhh. I don’t have a DS anymore :-)
Me: How does it work?
Charm: its lines and triangles that need to be lined up to make a line across the screen.
Me: SOLD

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Five Reasons Why I Won’t be Renewing my Xbox Live Subscription

August 18, 2009

My taste in videogames is possibly the worst you’ve ever come across. My enthusiasm wanes if a game doesn’t involve matching three coloured gems, desk-gnawingly pointless trivia contests or repetitive actions set to music (let me tell you about my embarrassingly laser-precise Dance Dance Revolution skills some time).
Console games are something I’ve only ever half-heartedly [...]

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Why I Won’t Be Visiting Costco Any Time Soon

August 17, 2009

Costco opened for business in Melbourne today, like a lumbering elephant galloping into the world of Aussie retail. As far as I can tell, the store chain has melded together a supermarket, K-Mart, jewellery store and undertakers (seriously – they sell coffins) then injected everything with steroids. It sounds impossible to buy anything in a [...]

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Can’t Come to Work, I’m on Beard Leave

August 13, 2009

My goatee is something I’m rather fond of. Unfortunately, accidental facial hair makeovers are common in my life.
It could be my blindness in one eye, but whenever I step in front of the mirror, it seems I get a little overzealous when tidying up my whiskers. Usually, I misjudge my shaving and become convinced that [...]

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