The Loudest Ringtone Known to Man

Over the weekend, I attended the carnival day for Melbourne’s queer festival, Midsumma. It’s always a bit of an odd event, especially with all the stalls and attractions that have only the most tenuous relationship to the queer community. Exactly why Myki (Melbourne’s new public transport ticketing system) had such an enormous presence at the carnival is anyone’s guess – perhaps Myki interpreted everyone calling Myki “gay” incorrectly.

The whole carnival day experience kinda felt like a team on The Apprentice had been given the challenge of running the Royal Melbourne Show and got everything terribly wrong, but it was still an enjoyable day out. This would have been particularly the case if you’ve rued the lack of lesbian lube wrestling at public festivals of late. That little demonstration was actually supposed to be raising awareness about STDs. Go figure.

As we made our way around the event, however, one noise was persistently clear over the general hubbub of the entire carnival. Far away in the distance was a strange, ongoing high-pitched whine. No matter where we walked to, this piercing screech was remarkably omnipresent.

We eventually realised this was just the general audio output of three drag queens yapping continuously over the top of each other on the main stage. It was quite the phenomenon.

This has led me to conclude that I’ve accidentally stumbled upon an idea for the perfect ringtone. No matter how loud a party you’re at, you’ll never miss a phone call if it’s announced by the screeching of three overstimulated drag queens.

Forget Crazy Frog – I’m going to start marketing Crazy Drag Queen.

Tagged as: drag queens, midsumma, Mobile Phones