Earlier this month, I briefly flew up to Sydney to catch up with some mates. While catching one of Sydney’s trains, I spotted a familiar “no alcohol” sign.
Here’s my conundrum: the standard “no alcohol” sign features a martini glass. Despite this, most “no alcohol” locations like public transport are where you’re least likely to find someone drinking a martini.
If anyone is classy enough to glam up a suburban train by sashaying around with a martini, I say let them go for it! Just consider how many experiences we could improve if we added a martini exception clause to the No Alcohol rule:
Shopping centres
Plunging into the suburban terror of a Westfield shopping centre is a treacherous mission, but Westfield’s advertising messages of high-class shopping almost demand open martini drinking.
Beaches
There’s no way to make an entrance at the beach by rocking up in a pair of thongs, budgie smugglers, a boogie board in one hand and a martini glass in the other.
Secondary schools
It’s time to update student incentives for the 21st century! I think you’ll find attendance will be at record levels when you introduce classes like Advanced Vermouth Concepts into the syllabus.
The workplace
Any difficult meetings become an effortless flap when you’re all hiccupping and laughing uncontrollably. Thanks, martinis!
Shooting ranges
Nothing oozes class like firing off a deadly handgun while delicately sipping from a martini glass. Note: firing your weapon into the air isn’t an acceptable method of ordering a refill, it just makes you look like you’re celebrating a dictator’s birthday.
Any more suggestions? I’m going to petition my local member of parliament to introduce the Martini Clause immediately!
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Raise your martini glass to Myki machines and pass right on by. Bonus is people on a tram or train will make space for someone holding a martini.
Effotless flap – this is the first time I have ever heard this term and will be starting a movement on level 10 to have it become part of our lingo. But because of the type of place we work in, within 2 weeks it will have been shortened into Eff Flap, which is also amusing to me. Win/win really.
I think the Martini Clause already exists in some parts of Australia, or at least it did with my friends and I when we lived in Mount Gambier.
Lakes Village Shopping Centre (now Centro Mount Gambier) was only tolerable on a Thursday evening with a Martini, or a Gibson, if you’re so inclined.