Bull Pizzle against Prolapse

It was one of those conversations that could only happen after too much beer.

We’d been discussing a mate of mine’s rather frightening obsession with cooking his own home-made jerky. If you’re going to the trouble of purchasing specific cuts of meat to shrivel it down into a lifeless husk – surely you’re less than six degrees away from becoming a serial killer?

This was when my friend Lauren piped up with a recent discovery.

“Did you know that there’s a popular kind of jerky for dogs…” she paused thoughtfully before swallowing her drink. “Well, it’s made from bull penis.”

After we’d regained consciousness from laughing ourselves into a coma, she delivered the king hit. “It’s called Bull Pizzle.”

Now, even before we’d begun our inevitable impersonations of Snoop Dogg hawking such a product (“Bull pizzle for shizzle… for your caninizzle”), it all ascended to a higher level. It turns out that “bull pizzle” is the grammatically correct butcher’s term for such a, ahem, cut of meat.

Of course, with more than a few beers in my system, I couldn’t help but search Google Images for “bull pizzle”. I STRONGLY RECOMMEND AGAINST THIS ACTIVITY!!

That’s when my buddy Dan piped up (and go check out his atrociously funny podcast, while I’m mentioning him). “I’d eat bull pizzle,” he volunteered. Then there was no going back. I’m holding him to this statement.

To make sure he doesn’t lame out on me, it’s my honour to incorporate this into a potential fundraising event. Unfortunately, the classiest alliteration I can come up with is Pizzle against Prolapse, but hey! It’s an important medical issue, and if bovine genitals can help us raise awareness, then that’s A Good Thing.

I’m compiling a hearty menu of bull pizzle items for Dan to eat, depending on the amount of money we can raise. For every fundraising tier, it’s another delicious gourmet bull pizzle treat for Dan!

Level 1: $10. A mere bull pizzle cube with a hastily cut piece of Coon cheese on a toothpick.

Level 2: $20. A glistening, freshly prepared garden salad… with a small pile of wobbling, diced bull pizzle as the centrepiece.

Level 3: $40. Spaghetti pizzlenaise.

Level 4: $100. A very specific pizza yet to be found on the Pizza Hut menu: Bull Genital Meatlover’s pizza.

Level 5: $250. The Grand Angus Pizzleburger.

Feel free to suggest your own bull pizzle gourmet treats, or pledge your donation to the inaugural Pizzle against Prolapse fundraising event in comments!