How to Deal with Noisy Neighbours Once and for All

What to do about annoying neighours when soundproofing isn’t an option? I’ve lived near a lot of explosively noisy neighbours, so here’s some short-term and long-term solutions that worked for me. You won’t even need to get out the knuckledusters!

Step 1: Create a diary of woe

I cannot emphasise how important this step is! If you’ve just moved in, or you have new neighbours, then write down the time the noise started and stopped. It also helps to note what you did about the noise. Don’t stop keeping these notes! It will take you 30 seconds whenever the noise occurs -- just create a simple text file on your computer. If you’re wondering how to stop your neighbours from continuing their behaviour, this is the golden ticket in the long run.

It’ll probably help if you add some swear words describing your feelings along each entry. It’s not really necessary, but it’ll make you feel a hell of a lot better!

Anyway, this stuff is so important just in case things get serious. You don’t want to be eventually stuck at a tribunal trying to remember the series of events, when you can instead whack down a pile of paper documenting everything and scream “SEE?!”

Step 2: Impersonate the world’s most inoffensive person

Okay, now pretend you’re someone like Chris Martin from Coldplay, a pottery salesperson or David Stratton. Basically, embrace your inner beige as much as you can, and begin roleplaying the most inoffensive person you know. This will put you in perfect preparation for the personality you need to present to your noisy neighbour.

Pay them a visit, shake their hand, introduce yourself as their neighbour. Don’t even mention the noise for the first couple of minutes of conversation. See if you can spot anything inside their place that you can create friendly conversation from. This includes things like a bike in the hallway, or listening for the music they’ve been playing too loudly -- perhaps you have similar taste in music. Basically, look for anything to create some sort of rapport.

Ask them questions they’re probably going to reply “yes” to. Think of things ahead of time like “have you lived here for a while?” Getting people to repeatedly answer “yes” when you first meet them is a proven method of manipulating people into liking you. Sneaky, but it works!

Once you’ve got them on side, gently bring up the issue of the noise. Don’t get into emotions by describing how upset it made you -- this will undo all the work you’ve just done in getting them to like you! Just state the facts and politely ask if they can change their behaviour.

If the noise continues after you’ve tried this, you crack your knuckles and get serious. This is where montages start in movies.

Step 3: Block it… block it real good

It’s pretty obvious, but give ear plugs a crack. Try moving your bed to the other side of the room, too. This worked well for me, but I always ended up sleeping through my alarm clock because I couldn’t hear it. Fortunately, there’s another noise-muffling solution, and it’s probably already right inside your house!

Step 4: White noise

The Living End won’t cure your noise problems, but this trick is surprisingly effective to drowning out noisy neighbours. White noise machines usually generate a gentle motor-like or synthetic rain/ocean noise, and while they don’t completely muffle the neighbours, they definitely help you fall asleep.

Personally, I’ve never seen the point of buying an expensive white noise machine when a household fan does the job just fine. Turn the fan up to a high enough setting so it’s creating a fair amount of noise, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how effective this method is. Obviously, this can be a bit of a chilly solution if you’re in the winter months, but see if you can position the fan so it blows out of the room.

If you’ve tried these stop-gap measures and you’re still having no luck, then it’s time to bring in the FORCE OF THE LAW.

Step 5: Get your neighbours fined (yes, fined)

It’s at your discretion as to when you start calling the police. I’d definitely recommend the first few steps above first, just to try and solve the problem amicably. It also helps to know when it’s legal to continue playing music or creating noise (here in Victoria, the EPA advises it’s OK to blare music until 10pm all evenings, extending to 11pm on Friday and Saturday).

Try to take your local area into account, too. I live in an inner city suburb fairly renowned for its nightlife, so I figure it’s reasonable to expect a few parties going on here and there at odd hours. That’s my fault for living here. But if your neighbours have a Whitesnake album on repeat and are smashing bottles in their backyard at 4am in a quiet residential suburb, I guess you’ve got a point.

What many people don’t realise is that phoning the police is surprisingly effective. In Victoria, if your neighbours continue to play music after being warned, you can call the police back out and your neighbours will be fined. The warning lasts for 12 hours. This probably varies by state, but it’s worth checking out. If your neighbours get fined they’ll probably change their behaviour damn quick.

Step 6: Time to gather up the neighbours

Try approaching your other neighbours and see if they’re having the same problems. Someone may even be better friends with the noisy neighbours than you are and have better luck convincing them to shut up.

If you’re living in an apartment building, you’re in better luck. The owners corporation of the building usually has to have a remediation process in place to deal with problems like this, so get in touch with your body corporate and complain. You may find the guilty party gets kicked out of the building surprisingly quickly (this is why it’s so important to keep that diary I mentioned earlier!)

Step 7: Chat to your real estate agent

It’s worth taking a look at your rental lease. Frequently, it’s required as a condition of the agreement that your real estate provides a reasonably quiet place for you to live in. Two good groups to contact for help with this are Consumer Affairs and the Tenants Union in your state (the latter of which is awesomely helpful).

Again, if you’re living in an apartment building this can often be an easier process. You may find that your real estate manages other rental apartments in the same building -- hopefully the one that’s causing the noise. Even if they don’t, you can ask them to get in touch with other residents they look after in the building to help build a case and solve the problem.

Step 8: ENDGAME

If the problem still isn’t solved by this stage, you’re undoubtedly living near some king a-holes. If you’re desperate enough to get out of the situation, you should have no problems getting out of your rental lease based on the evidence you’ve accumulated.

Otherwise, it’s probably worth getting in touch with those no-win-no-charge type solicitors to sound out your options. Although this seems extreme, by this stage you’ve probably been putting up with the noise for months on end and have forgotten what the general concept of sleep is all about.

How have you solved the problem of noisy neighbours?

This is one of those things that everyone has had different experiences with… so explain how you solved your noisy neighbour problems in the comments!