From the category archives:

Celebrities, TV and the media

Presenting My Jason Akermanis Newspaper Column Generator

May 22, 2010

If you’re into Aussie Rules football, you’ve probably heard about Jason Akermanis’ rather unique newspaper column on gay players in the AFL. Well, I’ve decided to make his job easier in the future. Presenting: The Jason Akermanis Newspaper Column Generator. View it now before the Herald Sun clues onto my idea and starts doing it [...]

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Pugwall: Where Is He Now?

May 12, 2010

If you grew up in Australia in the late 80s, you’d remember the bodacious kid’s TV series Pugwall. The premise was that these kids had a badass band, the Orange Organics — just check out the killer intro! Growing up, I was constantly ribbed that I had a strange resemblance to the main character, Pugwall. [...]

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Channel 10 Reality Show Generator

February 18, 2010

Seeing as Channel 10 seem to be struggling in the ratings, I’ve decided to help them out. Check it out: my patented Channel 10 Reality Show Generator. View it now and pretend you’re a coked-up network executive! Big thanks to the genius @lord_baconation for helping with the generator code!

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Suggested Antiques Roadshow Spin-Offs

February 9, 2010

We can all agree that Antiques Roadshow is very safe television. It’s time for this franchise to be relaunched with some edgier spin-offs! With the help of my buddy Sam, we came up with: Antiques Roadhouse Similar to the film Roadhouse, but instead of Patrick Swayze, it features old gay men beating each other up [...]

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Naomi Robson is Back!

February 3, 2010

Earlier this week, Defamer Australia lifted the lid on this darkly hilarious development: I know you’ve all been missing Naomi Robson’s presence on the small screen. So here’s some news that ought to cheer you up immensely – she’s back! Kinda! She’s talking relationships and Secret Men’s Business with high profile penis owners like Nick [...]

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How to Stop Showering and Score Girls

September 15, 2009

What’s wrong with this sentence? You look homeless, smell like you’ve bathed in Tommy Lee’s sweat, have almost no cash to your name, are borderline alcoholic, can barely string a legible sentence together but are utterly drowning in the affections of women. HOW? HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? Simply add the words “you play guitar in [...]

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Hey, We’re Just Protecting the Neighbourhood

July 29, 2009

Every now and then, I gleefully entertain fantasies of laughing in the face of my current job, and becoming a full-time house painter. A mate of mine continues to espouse a theory that a bunch of us could all easily slap a few licks of paint on buildings for a living, but makes the activity [...]

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When the Cold, Hard Reality of the Babysitter’s Club Slaps You in the Face

July 16, 2009

Recently I’ve been vaguely looking into how people earn money from writing, and have discovered that you can make a full-time living as a speechwriter. It’s probably not an option for me, as it’d prove way too dangerously tempting for me to slyly insert last-minute additions, so politicians begin blurting out statements like “That’s why [...]

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If You’re Served Pancakes on your Next Plane Flight, Jump Out the Airlock

July 2, 2009

According to a friend of mine, I’m obsessed with referring to humanity’s inevitably doomed future within my blog entries. In fact, when I happened to catch a TV commercial for “Napisan, now with built in oxy-intelligence!” last night — my initial reaction was “wow — that sounds like how Skynet started”. I’m sure Dynamo Sentient [...]

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List of People Who Should Always be Followed Around in Public by Someone Playing the Benny Hill Theme on a Loudspeaker

June 16, 2009

Mark Latham The Queen Andrew Bolt Gretel Killeen, whenever accompanied by a toy boy Sam Newman (with pauses in the music whenever he opens his mouth) Anyone who appears in a Zoot Review Danni Minogue, whenever confronted with cameras Any metal singer, whenever they tap or punch their own chest Todd McKenney Anyone working in [...]