From the category archives:

FAIL

Bathroom Risotto, Anyone?

June 3, 2010
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There’s certain things you just don’t want to deal with in life. Being forced to endure saccharine Disney movies when you’re minding kids. The suicidal endeavour that is reformatting Windows. Moving interstate and all the bullshittery that goes with it. Since the weekend, I can add another item to this list: See, the suburb I’ve recently moved [...]

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Can Everyone Please Stop Wearing Threadless T-Shirts Now?

May 18, 2010
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Ever found yourself at a party thinking “Wow, there’s way too much Threadless in here?” If you’re unfamiliar with Threadless, you’ve doubtlessly stuck to clothing purchases along the lines of a heshen sack in recent times. Threadless is an online clothing store which Twitter periodically vomits itself into euphoria over, usually whenever they hold some [...]

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The Urinal Man Code

May 17, 2010
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Recently I overheard a conversation in some men’s toilets that did me proud (don’t worry, not that kind of conversation). Some bloke at the urinal had apparently been discovered by another mate of his, who was attempting to strike up a conversation mid-stream. “So what are you up to this weekend?” his friend enquired. A [...]

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The Beanbag Failure Advent Calendar

May 5, 2010
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My housemate Matt and I have been putting our homosexual superpowers to good use since we moved in together: yes, we’re actually putting some effort into how the place looks. Antique-y sitting chairs? Check. Tasteful potted plants? Check. Kimonos to wear while we secretly watch Desperate Housewives before we listen to some metal, to balance [...]

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What the Hell are they Smoking at the Febreze Factory?

February 17, 2010
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Has anyone ever bothered to read the packaging on cleaning products? It’s bizarre – check out the description of this Febreze “Hawaii” air freshener I purchased: Febreze’s entire air freshener range features equally bonkers marketing material. Their Moroccan Bazaar scent solves a harrowing household storage problem: Oh, thank god! My entire household was beginning to [...]

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10 Steps to Managing a Flooding Washing Machine, Without Totally Losing your Sanity

January 25, 2010
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After a chaotic month of relationship changes and moving into a new apartment, I’d finally unpacked all my possessions and was sitting down with a nice cold beer. Ahh, I thought to myself. Finally a chance to relax and unwind. That’s when I noticed an oozing puddle of water creeping from underneath my bedroom door, [...]

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The Surely-It’s-Not-Real World of Pickup Artists

January 21, 2010
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How does this sound as a sitcom premise? A group of men spend their weeks desperately prowling around bars and clubs attempting to pick up women. But this isn’t just any group of men! They spend their spare time desperately studying up on misogynistic methods of scoring women with berko science, then disguise it in socially [...]

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Indoor Lawns: Not the Greatest Interior Design Idea

October 26, 2009

We’ve owned the most offensive rug in the universe for some years now. I’m considering burning the damn thing. At some point in the past, Adam decided that he wanted a new rug for the lounge room, and was very set on getting a specific colour. He was suspiciously secretive about what he had in [...]

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Electric Bicycles and the Losers that Ride Them: A Plague on Society

September 16, 2009

Electric bikes: a fitness placebo for the morbidly lazy. When was the last time you didn’t snort in derision when some lazy tosser squealed and whirred past you in one of these up the pavement? It’s like committing to a golf buggy or ride-on lawnmower, without benefiting from any of the function – not to [...]

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The Easiest Goddamn Job in the World

September 8, 2009

The easiest way to make an incredibly large amount of money seems to be joining the ranks of brain-dead IT analysts. Just this week, I’ve found the following quotes from analysts in various IT news articles: “Apple may introduce new iPod models at its “rock and roll” event on Sept. 9.” HOLY SHITBALLS, NO KIDDING. [...]

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