From the category archives:

FAIL

What the Hell are they Smoking at the Febreze Factory?

February 17, 2010
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Has anyone ever bothered to read the packaging on cleaning products? It’s bizarre – check out the description of this Febreze “Hawaii” air freshener I purchased:

Febreze’s entire air freshener range features equally bonkers marketing material. Their Moroccan Bazaar scent solves a harrowing household storage problem:

Oh, thank god! My entire household was beginning to look like [...]

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10 Steps to Managing a Flooding Washing Machine, Without Totally Losing your Sanity

January 25, 2010
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After a chaotic month of relationship changes and moving into a new apartment, I’d finally unpacked all my possessions and was sitting down with a nice cold beer. Ahh, I thought to myself. Finally a chance to relax and unwind.
That’s when I noticed an oozing puddle of water creeping from underneath my bedroom door, like [...]

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The Surely-It’s-Not-Real World of Pickup Artists

January 21, 2010
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How does this sound as a sitcom premise?
A group of men spend their weeks desperately prowling around bars and clubs attempting to pick up women. But this isn’t just any group of men! They spend their spare time desperately studying up on misogynistic methods of scoring women with berko science, then disguise it in socially acceptable [...]

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Indoor Lawns: Not the Greatest Interior Design Idea

October 26, 2009

We’ve owned the most offensive rug in the universe for some years now. I’m considering burning the damn thing.
At some point in the past, Adam decided that he wanted a new rug for the lounge room, and was very set on getting a specific colour. He was suspiciously secretive about what he had in mind, [...]

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Electric Bicycles and the Losers that Ride Them: A Plague on Society

September 16, 2009

Electric bikes: a fitness placebo for the morbidly lazy. When was the last time you didn’t snort in derision when some lazy tosser squealed and whirred past you in one of these up the pavement? It’s like committing to a golf buggy or ride-on lawnmower, without benefiting from any of the function – not to [...]

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The Easiest Goddamn Job in the World

September 8, 2009

The easiest way to make an incredibly large amount of money seems to be joining the ranks of brain-dead IT analysts. Just this week, I’ve found the following quotes from analysts in various IT news articles:
“Apple may introduce new iPod models at its “rock and roll” event on Sept. 9.”
HOLY SHITBALLS, NO KIDDING.
“The more [...]

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Ten Stupid Things This Decade Will be Remembered For

September 3, 2009

This decade will be shuddering to an end in no time. We don’t have long to set in concrete what to wear at future noughties-themed costume parties… Here’s my pick of ten things which will be remembered as stupid remnants of the decade.
1. Reality TV
This genre of “real life” television echoed far into pop culture. [...]

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When Kiteboarders Fail – and Other Great Free, Cruel Forms of Entertainment

August 24, 2009

Free entertainment in your suburb isn’t a particularly vexing task. There’s a few fail-safe spectacles around my suburb which never fail to amuse…
Watching angry customers teeter on the edge of sanity, as they wait for service at notoriously slow local cafes
When you’re a local, you grow to learn which cafes are unbearably slow. They can [...]

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Is This the Worst Comic in the World?

July 9, 2009

First and foremost, I cannot claim any responsibility whatsoever for tracking down this monstrosity. You’re about to view something which is an existential slap in the face to illustrators everywhere, found by the extremely talented Mutley James. Wherever he found it, I’ve no doubt infants passed away within a 5 metre radius as he carried [...]

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If You’re Served Pancakes on your Next Plane Flight, Jump Out the Airlock

July 2, 2009

According to a friend of mine, I’m obsessed with referring to humanity’s inevitably doomed future within my blog entries.
In fact, when I happened to catch a TV commercial for “Napisan, now with built in oxy-intelligence!” last night — my initial reaction was “wow — that sounds like how Skynet started”. I’m sure Dynamo Sentient isn’t [...]

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