From the category archives:

FAIL

Ten Stupid Things This Decade Will be Remembered For

September 3, 2009

This decade will be shuddering to an end in no time. We don’t have long to set in concrete what to wear at future noughties-themed costume parties… Here’s my pick of ten things which will be remembered as stupid remnants of the decade. 1. Reality TV This genre of “real life” television echoed far into [...]

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When Kiteboarders Fail – and Other Great Free, Cruel Forms of Entertainment

August 24, 2009

Free entertainment in your suburb isn’t a particularly vexing task. There’s a few fail-safe spectacles around my suburb which never fail to amuse… Watching angry customers teeter on the edge of sanity, as they wait for service at notoriously slow local cafes When you’re a local, you grow to learn which cafes are unbearably slow. [...]

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Is This the Worst Comic in the World?

July 9, 2009

First and foremost, I cannot claim any responsibility whatsoever for tracking down this monstrosity. You’re about to view something which is an existential slap in the face to illustrators everywhere, found by the extremely talented Mutley James. Wherever he found it, I’ve no doubt infants passed away within a 5 metre radius as he carried [...]

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If You’re Served Pancakes on your Next Plane Flight, Jump Out the Airlock

July 2, 2009

According to a friend of mine, I’m obsessed with referring to humanity’s inevitably doomed future within my blog entries. In fact, when I happened to catch a TV commercial for “Napisan, now with built in oxy-intelligence!” last night — my initial reaction was “wow — that sounds like how Skynet started”. I’m sure Dynamo Sentient [...]

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Five Examples of Why You Should Complain to Companies About Bad Products

June 18, 2009

Update: I recently appeared on Channel 7′s The Morning Show to talk about this post. Watch me embarrass myself! You like free stuff, right? Then next time something goes wrong with something you’ve bought from the supermarket, I demand you let the manufacturer know. After a recent messy packaging explosion, I was so irked by [...]

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Datsun Sunny: Not the Manliest Car Name Ever

June 17, 2009

We haven’t owned a car for the last 10 years. My preferred illusion is that we’re environmentally conscious, when the quiet reality is that my last experience owning a car was like being married to Pete Doherty. Sure, sometimes it’d start if it was feeling perky. Other times it’d lie drooling in my driveway in [...]

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How to Confuse Drunk Viewers of Sports TV into Gambling Their Money Away

May 19, 2009

After a recent poker night in which I inexplicably did pretty well, I’ve been watching a little televised poker. As far as I can tell, One HD doesn’t have much else to broadcast yet, besides foreign cricket matches and Slamball. What particularly struck me on this show was seeing an advertisement for a new poker [...]

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Why You Shouldn’t Let Drug Dealers Handle Your Financial Affairs

April 29, 2009

Have you ever noticed how all “addicts” in those “OH GOD DON’T BECOME AN ADDICT OR YOUR FACE WILL BECOME PREGNANT AND YOU’LL IMPLODE” scare campaign ads look exactly the same? It doesn’t even matter what the addiction is – drugs, gambling, chronic masturbation, using Microsoft Publisher to create fuchsia-heavy signage – all the “addict” [...]

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Backdraft 2: Revenge of the Electric Blanket

April 21, 2009

I’m one of those kids who grew up in the fearless 80s with both an electric blanket and an occasional bed-wetting problem. Hey, I turned out okay! My parents even refused to replace my Target-brand electric blanket when it began exposing raw wires, assuring me “it’ll be right”. Perhaps it’s the childhood comfort of climbing [...]

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Paranoid Adenoid

April 15, 2009

All my life, I’ve had problems with my nose. It constantly runs, intermittently feels like my nostrils’ breathing passages have sealed over, and often talk like I’ve got my nose pinched. People think I’m just doing my best impression of Placebo’s Brian Molko most of the time. Sexy, I know. But it’s just something I’ve [...]

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